My Mom has been a nursing home for over four years.
She is completely unresponsive to touch or anything else.
How it used to make my heart sing to have Mom
look at me and break into a smile, when I appeared at her door. I often took her driving in the foothills. Click on
Mom for details. I feel really good about doing the best I could for her as long as I was able to.
I have a degree in biochemistry (UCSC, 1989). My
balance (lack thereof) makes it difficult for me to perform most
jobs.
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Alice (before)
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I don't enjoy not working, not contributing. Science writing appeals to me, as does web design or
photo repair or . . .
People think they know what my reality is like.
Before I fell rock-climbing (140 feet, I was in a coma for 6 weeks), my most favorite outdoor activity in the whole world was snow
camping - I can never do that again.
When some person
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Alice (after)
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tries to tell me what it's like to be disabled. I just smile.
I was a client of California Department of Rehabilitation, from 4/16/99 to 8/7/01,
to find steady employment.
They successfully closed my case after 28 months, but I still didn't have a job.
I have web layout skills (this website) and Photoshop skills. I learned both at
Cabrillo college. I repaired the picture of Alice for Ray. It
so cool to see how appreciative he was. It was his favorite picture of Alice and he was really sad it was torn.
Ray was my best friend and buddy. I knew Ray for 34 years. He fell 200 feet, while hiking with Alice, and died on May 15, 2006.
I created a memorial page as a tribute to the most excellent person I have ever known. Click on,
Ray's memorial to see it. Ray was my partner in crime.
I spent my life savings and many, many
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Surf City
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days, over a ten year period, taking Mom driving, buying her lunch, buying her dinner, taking her to movies,
buying her presents etc..
Before Mom went into the nursing home I used to drive 18,000 miles/year. Now I drive 5,000 miles/year.
I had planned to get a graduate degree in biochemistry. With MS or PhD,
I would have a set of skills, an income. Hey, I could even support
a family, but I chose to spend
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Chemistry 163A midterm
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my resources taking care of my mother.
The hardest class I have ever taken is Quantum Theory (Chemistry 163A). I took it for my degree and it almost
blew me out of the water. I took it last fall (20 years later) and did considerably better. The class average was on the midterm 59 while I scored a
79, I have gotten no support for my academic endeavors and can't afford to continue with school.
Ray was really impressed with me getting my degree, my
devotion to my Mom, how much I have done, in spite
of my disability, how intelligent and witty I am. My sister has been really thankful I was close enough (125 miles) to see Mom so frequently, that
my truck was in good conddition etc..
I am doing some
writing too. The names have been changed to protect the guilty, because the incidents really
happened.
I am dealing with memories of a trip I went on with my father in the summer of 1969. I wrote some poetry in an attempt to deal with them. It is here ->
Poetry . I have some thoughts on why these memories
started to come back. To read about my thoughts, go to Growing Up .
I admire and respect Nelson Mandela. He could have come out of Robyn Island a very bitter, angry person, but
he chose to look forwards and not be consumed by the past. With his example I am going to keep moving forward. Celine Dion
puts it so well.
updated August 11, 2009
