I Cogitate
| Recent Posts | My Best Blogs | Archives | Favorite Quotes | Links | Contact |
Dick Cheney's winging it
So Deadeye Dick (Duck!) Cheney took time off from aiming to start yet another war to practice his shooting skills in the Hudson Valley this weekend. No word has been issued if he will be using his usual weapon of choice, the bald-faced, no, make that bald-headed lie, or a rifle of some sort this time.
Cheney, of course, is infamous for mistaking septuagenarian Harry "Flappy Arms" Whittington for a terrorist quail in Texas last year in February. But remember, this is also the wise patriarch who had earlier insisted that Iraq was the most major of threats to the well-being of each and very citizen of the United States, so the argument can be made that he's actually upgraded his powers of judgment. That is, employing Bush-ian logic or what passes for such.
But then again, Cheney is known for having bet on the dinosaurs -- based on an insider tip from a Cro-Magnon exile named Curveballus -- outlasting mankind. According to those closest to him, Cheney simply could not even mouth the word man-kind, let alone align himself with such a untoward species. So any judgment upgrade appears iffy.
Curiously and as an aside, recently unclassified documents have surfaced that Cheney's favorite dino is none other than the Tyrannosaurus Rex, a creature not known for civil discourse and win-win proclivities. Said document also listed the Megalosaurus as President Bush's fave while former AG I Could Have And Maybe Did But Cannot Recall was partial to the Albertosaurus. Look it up if you hesitate to believe it.
Anyway, last week, the White House issued a press release regarding a California condor that six months ago was mistaken for an Al-Queda drone and wounded by Cheney because he 'bumped' into the wrong button at his underground safekeeping location and launched a batch of air and sea missiles. In the dispatch, the battered and bruised condor said, "My family and I are deeply sorry for all that Vice President Cheney has had to go through..."
The conder incident though is reminiscent to October 2004, when Cheney was caught by the Secret Service in the act of blasting out the windows of the White House vice-presidential suite while locked, loaded and snugly ensconced in the man-size safe he keeps in a corner of his office. When asked what was going on, all Cheney offered was a cryptic "I thought I saw a puddycat and it closely resembled Ahmadinejad."
Upon hearing that news, the Secretary of National Security then issued a nationwide alert -- code red -- for swarthy puddycats or anyone/anything vaguely reminiscent of one, especially those with a voting record favoring Democrats.
Also, we would be remiss if we didn't put to rest one Cheney myth currently making the rounds of the 'net. The ghost of J. Eedgar Hoover, slicked up in his favorite party dress and particularly stellar nylons, has appeared to numerous custodians late at night in the FBI Building, ominously stating that Cheney was nowhere near any grassy knoll in Dallas on November 22, 1963 although incomplete records indicate he was on a hunting trip at an undisclosed location that day.
Also, we have been unable to verify that the Surgeon General issued a mandatory ruling that as of March 2006, all persons accompanying Cheney on any hunting trips be issued mandstory 'duck' calls.
President Bush, of course, has lauded Cheney for his insistence on shooting first and not answering any asked questions later. "Amen for his vigilance." Bush offered, later adding "our country's national security is impregnable because of my Dick."
top
RSS feed
| Recent Posts | My Best Blogs | Archives | Favorite Quotes | Links | Contact |