I Cogitate

"You know what GOP stands for? Going Out of Power." --  Jay Leno

"There were many reports of problems with the voting machines yesterday, especially with touch-screen voting machines. In fact, in Congressman Mark Foley's district, some of the machines were touched inappropriately." -- Conan O'Brien

"This is like the worst thing to happen to congressional Republicans since last Thursday. ... Most people think GOP stands for Gay Old Pedophile." -- Jay Leno

"President Bush's approval ratings are dipping into the 30s, while Mark Foley is dipping into the teens." -- Jay Leno

"Haggard was exposed by a male escort named Mike Jones, who said he was troubled by the hypocrisy of Haggard's public support for a Colorado initiative to ban same-sex marriage. And you know you're in trouble when you've ceded the moral high ground to a drug-dealing prostitute." -- Jon Stewart

"He couldn't have been more pleased. The death by hanging sentence was a plea bargain. It was knocked down from the standard sentence for crimes against humanity, which is beheading, re-heading, a semi-lethal injection coupled with a demi electrocution, a 15-minute time-out to think about what you've done and then they give you Lou Gehrig's disease" -- Daily Show correspondent John Oliver, on Saddam Hussein's reaction to his death sentence

"It's astounding to me that this is the scandal. At the same time this week, George Bush said that Cheney and Rumsfeld are doing a fantastic job and that he is 'pleased with the progress we're making in Iraq.' I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think we have another president with Alzheimer's disease." -- Bill Maher

"The leader of a Christian group has resigned after allegations surfaced that he frequently paid a man for sex. People are shocked because this guy's always been a critic of gay marriage. In defense, the Christian leader said, 'Hey, it's not like I married the guy.'." -- Conan O'Brien

"Drugs? Nude massages? Is it getting to where you can't tell the Protestant clergy from a Catholic priest?." -- Bill Maher

"They say (Haggard) used church funds to pay for the male prostitute. That's like robbing Paul to pay for Peter." -- Jay Leno

"GOP Congressman Don Sherwood of Pennsylvania was recently sued by his Peruvian mistress for allegedly beating and strangling her. Now Sherwood has admitted to having a mistress but denies beating and strangling her. Still, there's probably not a Republican that would be caught dead in the same room as that guy [on screen: Pres. Bush speaking at a Sherwood event]. Oh. Apparently, the president believes his popularity still slightly lower than an alleged Peruvian mistress strangler." -- Jon Stewart

"Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney got full endorsement from President Bush. That's like Curly and Larry getting a vote of confidence from Moe." -- David Letterman

"President Bush demanded that Kerry apologize. Can you imagine that -- Bush demanding an apology for someone stumbling over his words? ... Kerry should have tried the Bush strategy: say so many stupid things, no one cares anymore." -- Jay Leno

"Rush Limbaugh recently upset a lot of people because he accused Michael J. Fox of exaggerating his Parkinson's disease symptoms for political reasons. Then Limbaugh accused Stevie Wonder exaggerating his blindness for free sunglasses." -- Conan O'Brien

Mark Foley looks like he's going to escape criminal charges because apparently his pattern was to seduce boys verbally when they were like 16 and 17, and wait until they were 18 to actually. I tell you, Republicans have sex the same way they govern -- barely legal." -- Bill Maher

"President Bush says there are similarities between Iraq and Vietnam. Of course, the big difference is, his dad could get him out of Vietnam." -- Jay Leno

"The president had a press conference about this this week and he said that the U.S. has no plans to attack North Korea. And then he added, 'Like having no plan ever stopped me before.'. He has something even more deadly in store for them -- we're going to bring them democracy." -- Bill Maher

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