I Cogitate
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The Snarkalicious Report - we lay an egg, you smell
Okay, this has been festering over the weekend so we open with a brand new edition of The Snarkalicious Report. Please put your seats in the upright and locked position. Here we go:
"The New York Democrat tells "The Advocate" that she is not a lesbian, according to a story in Friday's edition of The New York Daily News."Okay, for once and for all and contrary to published reports and whispered asides on FAUX News and the ever-so-accurate Sludge Report, I, The Cogitator, am not now nor have I ever been a lesbian. Furthermore, I have never engaged in a lesbian affair with Hillary Clinton. For that matter, I have also never engaged in a lesbian love affair with Bill Clinton either. Nor have i romped in a threesome with Hillary and Bill. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
Hopefully this declaration will put to rest the rumors and inneuendo fostered by such sterling citizens as R. Emmett Tyrrell Jr. of The American Spectator and his equally frightening fictional investigative report The Arkansas Witch Project, which incidentally isn't Hillary Clinton's Secret Service code name.
I ask you, do you wish to trust me or put your faith in an individual who has propitiously chosen to initial his first name [Robert] yet keep the glorious Emmett fully spelled out?
Nor, as hinted, did I and one Hillary Clinton join forces in a cabalistic conspiracy to murder one Vincent Foster. No, credit that one solely to The Wall Street Journal."all the news that fits, we print" Editorial Board.
and
Breaking!!!! There's a job opening at FAUX NEWS. The specs are:
*** experience with loofahs desired but not required, will work under Director of Female Interns Billy Orally
*** past history of slandering and smearing wounded and disabled American military heroes a major plus
*** ability to keep a straight face while untethered and furthest from reality a must
*** have to be able to willingly and concertedly misidentify indicted Republican politicos as Democrats
*** kneepads for conducting Republican interviews will be provided as part of the exceptional benefits package
and
Hey, do not dare to pass up this fantastic get-in-on-the-ground-floor opportunity. We at KBR&R just announced a new offshore housing development called The Colony. Come see us in any of our charming settlement bases throughout trendy old world Iraq, the latest hot spot since the Balkans. Not only will your purchase qualify as a tax haven, this foreign investment has so much more to offer, including:
*** all the sun and sand your heart desires
*** exciting night life lighting up the sky every evening
*** little or no overcrowding
*** did we say camels? your choice of one hump or two with every mortgage!
*** little traffic, especially in and around the quaint Fallujah area
*** choice of housing models with absolutely no extra charge for the pockmarked plastering that we are constantly told adds distinct old world character to our housing
*** can reside in the environmentally conscious Green Zone
*** free car gun racks with every sale
Yes, experience what the Old West used to be, where black water is actually a key ingredient to survival, depending of course on which side you're on.
and
Guess who infamously muttered the following words: "...And it's one of the wonderful -- it's like earning capital. You asked, do I feel free. Let me put it to you this way: I earned capital in the campaign, political capital, and now I intend to spend it. It is my style...I've earned capital in this election -- and I'm going to spend it for what I told the people I'd spend it on..."
Was it Paris Hilton?
How about Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki?
Maybe George Bush?
Could it be George Bush looking in a mirror and seeing Nouri al-Maliki governing a la the Bush model of the last seven years?
Irony is delicious.
But maybe not if you are now a Sunni in Iraq.
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