I Cogitate
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Some Good News and Some Bad News
At the risk of receiving Catholic League President William Donohue's full-fledged wrath, enjoy this little something I worked up.
I have good new and bad news.
The good news is that there is a new Pope:
VATICAN CITY (AP) -- Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany, the Roman Catholic Church's leading hard-liner, was elected pope Tuesday in the first conclave of the new millennium. He chose the name Benedict XVI and called himself "a simple, humble worker."I'm sure we can all get behind him and support his endeavors.
The bad news is that I lost out for the position.
Negotiations were going so well and then abruptly ended. I was insistent on having Sundays off and trading in the Pope-mobile for a hybrid. They said that was cool. I kept to myself that having George Bush approaching me asking for (wink wink) political support would be ever so delicious. Picture this: me saying "on your knees George when requesting a favor." Maybe I could even get away with smiting him a time or two, saying it was God's will.
I guess I went too far when I held steadfast on being called Pope Raz Ma Taz and requiring the cardinals and such to form a conga line to celebrate my ascension.
Our talks end soon after.
It's okay, wearing a miter does absolutely nothing for my appearance.
But that beanie could cover my ever-expanding bald spot...
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