I Cogitate
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TIME Magazine's Perfidious Prick Of The Year -- Karl Rove
His 'boss' was named our 2004 PERSON OF THE YEAR but Karl "The Architect" Rove has done George W. Bush one better.
Despite absolutely no involvement or input from Matt Cooper (we kept him in restraints, our version of getting him prepped for his upcoming slammer stint), our esteemed panel here at TIME has already selected the flinger of D.C. dung, the high priest of political perversion, the deviant distorter, Karl Rove, as our PERFIDIOUS PRICK OF THE YEAR.
The balloting closed earlier than usual as it was unanimously agreed there was no way anyone else could top Rove in the remaining months of 2005.
And folks, it was a unanimous vote. We have the extended middle fingers, purple ink visible, to prove it.
For who else has contributed as mightily to the debasing of American life more than Karl Rove? It's simply no contest--KR rules!
Put Rove next to Tom DeLay and it's like pairing up Beezlebub with Attila The Hun, with Tilly then magically transforming into an alter boy. (Editor's Note) DeLay is still in the running for our PERNICIOUS PRICK OF THE YEAR, a lesser award to be announced in December.
Yep, Karl Rove is simply the standard bearer for this nation and the world. He is the epitome of what the world's youth should strive to be. That being someone who takes a blood oath that the end result justifies any and all means. Winning at all costs. Slam a shiv into anyone and everyone's back and keep thrusting until victory is achieved.
And, in response to those inquiries sure to be raised, this 'honor' does not eliminate Rove for consideration as NEWSWEEK's 2005 ASSIDUOUS ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR. Word on the street is that Rove is at least one pasty-white, flabby 'cheek' ahead of the competition.
Rove's response to our announcement was both terse and cryptic: "There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that any of my relatives advised Pontius Pilate."
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