I hate eclipses. Sunday nights lunar eclipse was a total disaster for me. I had a hot date planned with a gorgeous wolf and the damn eclipse messed it up. I don't know what to do about the problem, so I'm writing this to inform fellow werewolves about my problems with eclipses. I had the night all planned ahead. I slept some extra hours during the day so I could howl all night. I wanted to get an early start, so I spent the afternoon under my home-made "moon-lamp" which gave me a good start on fur growth, fang development and tail elongation. Looking in the mirror, I was quite a suave, though admittedly paunchy, wolf man. At 6pm, the sun went down, the full moon came up, and I did a leisurely 5 mile lope to the appointed place near the top of Bonny Dune ridge. The plan was to watch the full moon rise, visit the local turkey ranches for some fowl sampling, and spend the rest of the night doing some howling. She's gorgeous and I'm horny. Protocol requires some preliminary sniffing, nuzzling, running around, barking, and howling. This is a bit of a drag even for a wolf, but ritual must be observed. As we're just getting started, I notice that the moon is getting darker. Oops, I'd forgotten about the eclipse. No problem, I think, since the moon has been previously covered by clouds and nothing happened. Not this time. Patches of fur start to fall out. My bare feet start to hurt and my nose and tail are shrinking. Oh shit, I'm turning back into a human. An hour later, I'm sitting stark naked on a mountain ridge next to a very angry wolf. Will she understand or am I going to be her dinner? I'll give her credit for sticking with me during the whole eclipse. I probably looked and smelled as bad to her. She whined something about tolerance and that the rest of the wolf pack will understand. Swell, I get to deal with her xenophobic brothers who treat werewolves only slightly better than chickens. We make small talk for four long hours while the full moon slowly recovers. I suspect I've caught a cold, but that can wait. Eventually, my fur grows back, but it took a while. Most of the night was blown thanks to the eclipse. Having to grow two fur coats and two tails in one day is too much for me. I'm tired, starving and my blood sugar is at an all time low. Continuing where we left off was out. Bummer. Maybe a late dinner will help. Fortunately, the rest of the evening went smoothly. We did have to call her brothers for help pillaging the turkey ranch. I may have the requisite killer instincts, but the lack of practice and many years of supermarket shopping (no hunting allowed) has ruined my technique. It was embarassing, but I was too hungry to complain. I was very tired when I got back to my house in Ben Lomond. The raw Turkey au Bonny Dune was great even if I did goof and swallow some of the feathers. Not much to do until about noon, so I just rolled into bed. When I awoke, I was almost human again. I also had a bed full of wolf hair to deal with. A trash bag and some vaccuum cleaning took care of that. Shaving would be a waste of time for a few hours as I would grow a 5 o'clock shadow 30 minutes later. Inspite of all that fur growth, my receeding hair line was back. Can't win. After a shower, I looked and smelled almost human. Next month will be better. So, the next time there's a lunar eclipse, us werewolves should avoid making dates. Also, we need to get some university to do some research on why an eclipse turn us back into humans while a passing cloud does not. Jeff Liebermann. (jeffl@comix.santa-cruz.ca.us) Subject: Re: Food: Numm and yuck Newsgroups: ba.mountain-folk References: <33693435.2E80@sousa.sc.intel.com> Organization: COmmittee to Maintain an Independent Xenix Distribution: glena@bbs.cruzio.com wrote: : In article <33693435.2E80@sousa.sc.intel.com>, "D. J. McCarthy" writes: : > The Cookoo is cool if you want atmosphere. I've always wanted to : > go in there during a full moon, sit at the bar, and warn everyone : > leaving to "stick to the ROAD! Stay off the MOORS!" : I wonder if Jeff hangs around, outside there, at night. It's a conspiracy. The health code doesn't let anyone into the place without shoes, so I gotta hang around outside. I'm not after the booze or the cuisine. It's the inebriated patrons that make easy eating. Many a traveller has arrived, indulged, left and vanished without a trace. The media once labeled SCZ county as the murder capital of the State. Partially "decomposed" bodies would be found by Hwy 9. Rather than admit they were eaten instead of "decomposed", the sheriff would search for a human murderer and never suspect that it was really the work of a werewolf. I suspect they were confused by the condiments found near the bodies. The advantage of eating the customers of the bar is that I really like the pre-tenderized, alcohol saturated meat. The only problem is a tendency for my dinner to sweat profusely before I pounce resulting in a far too salty repast. However, a recent poll of the WOLF (World Order Lycanthropy Forum) membership, revealed that we have lost several members to drunk drivers while hanging around bars. The board suggested that bars be avoided and the road kill statistics have dropped. Therefore, bars are safe and you won't find me "hanging around". Subject: Re: Howlers? Newsgroups: ba.mountain-folk References: <60vicb$rp6$1@engnews2.Eng.Sun.COM> <61170a$bra@redtail.cruzio.com> <618mvo$le@comix.comix.santa-cruz.ca.us> <619a8s$4e5@redtail.cruzio.com> Organization: COmmittee to Maintain an Independent Xenix Distribution: glena@bbs.cruzio.com wrote: : In article <618mvo$le@comix.comix.santa-cruz.ca.us>, jeffl@comix.santa-cruz.ca.us (Jeff Liebermann) writes: : > It's not a werewolf. : Maybe a werewolf pretending to be a dog? You know -- to pass? Didn't you get any elementary lycanthropy instruction in school or do I have to include that with the vi lessons? I'll give you the basics. You can RTFM for the details. 1. Werewolves are only wolves for one day per month, on the full moon. The rest of the time, we are perfectly normal, credit card carrying members of the establishment. 2. Werewolves are quite different from dogs. To the average human, anything with 4 legs, fur, a tail, and teeth is a dog. This xenophobic view is the basis of much cross species prejudice and has severely interfered with establishing werewolves as a recognized and acceptable life style. 3. It is quite easy to distinguish between a dog and a werewolf. If you are running for your life, it's probably a werewolf. 4. Most werewolves perfer to be in their wolf form instead of their human form. I'm not sure why, but that's the way it works. Since we only get laid with another wolf once per month, we have better things to do than howl at the moon. There is research in progress on how to control the effect. 5. While some werewolves hang around the back door of bars waiting for some unsuspecting drunk to provide them with dinner, most werewolves perfer the traditional game and fowl cuisine. We learned long ago that eating humans was politically inexpedient. Fortunately, the few that tried it were incorrectly labeled cannibals instead of werewolves. I would greatly appreciate it if you would not impune the reputation and good standing of the werewolf community by implying that all canines are dogs. While there is much work necessary before werewolves can take their rightful place in society, comments such as yours underscore the general ignorance of lycanthropy and can do no good. Subject: Re: Time Travel Newsgroups: scruz.general References: <6240mc$q22$1@hourglass.oz.net> <63h4kv$p8r@news.scruz.net> <345DD25A.2DD@unforgettable.com> <63ld2s$77a@news.scruz.net> <63lfk0$7d5@news.scruz.net> Organization: COmmittee to Maintain an Independent Xenix Distribution: Dirt Devil (glena@armory.com) wrote: : So, if it were to go to new "highs", like "I followed Glen home from : town, today. Now I know where you live, buddy -- so don't even *try* : to get smart with me." you might find it more interesting? : Glen (wondering if the Dean-wars could go any lower) Appleby I'm glad you mentioned that as it reminds me of a marginally related story. The reason that I wanted to meet everyone at the various gatherings was not to see what they look like, but to get a good sniff. Heightened olfactory awareness is one of the few benifits of being a werewolf. One good sniff and I can recognize and find you almost anywhere. This did not come automagically or without some effort. The human nose is easily fooled and nasal desensitizer (lemon-fresh) are everywhere. My heightened awareness was a side effect of wearing glasses. I arrived, one full moon eve, wearing my glasses and the wolf pack just couldn't stop laughing. However, without glasses, I was constantly lopeing into trees, etc. When the laughing finally stopped, I was introduced to the art of using my nose for navigation and identification. It took some time and practice. Walking around the house blindfolded was one of the exercises. It turns out that there are many advantages to using smell instead of sight. For example, I can smell around corners. Obviously, the canine nose is far more sensitive than the human, but the skill remains useful inspite of reduced sensitivity. I've become quite skilled at sniffing people without being obvious or offensive. However, once I get the scent, I can recognize who is sneaking up on me, or who's under a disguise quite easily. There are also subtle changes in scent that indicate emotions and if they are ready for sex. Sniffing the ground is for the bloodhounds. Most people leave little scent on the ground when wearing shoes. The residual aroma is usually left hanging in the air (in still air) or at shoulder height as transfered from the various exhaust outlets in ones cloths. No need to sniff the ground. If bloodhounds could stand up, I'm sure they would do much better at tracking. I would have some problems finding Dean's lair as I haven't gotten a good sniff for several years. I did run into him about 18 months ago, but was in a crowd and unable to get a good whiff. Glen would be much easier to find. From: jeffl@comix.santa-cruz.ca.us (Jeff Liebermann) Newsgroups: scruz.general Subject: Re: Tim May and Bobbing O'Brien lie again Date: 3 Nov 1997 15:33:58 -0800 Organization: COmmittee to Maintain an Independent Xenix Lines: 70 Message-ID: <63ln16$e77@comix.comix.santa-cruz.ca.us> NNTP-Posting-Host: comix.comix.santa-cruz.ca.us X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2] johnmann1 (johnmann1@geocities.com) wrote: : There are no other participants. What altar do you think you have : stumbled towards? (...) : I am easily appeased; do your best. I will scrape off the charcoal : with the Sacred Ginsu. (...) : Food. Now. Stop whining. GOD I HATE IT WHEN THE MORTALS WHINE. So much for trying to be subtle. I think an explaination might be in order. This is Holloween weekend. For ordinary humans, it's when we train our kids to terrorize the neighborhood. The wierder they look, the better. I could explain the history and necessity of this training, but that would induce exessive topic drift. My offer of additional sacrifice (burnt offerings) to the internet gods on your behalf was an economical move as adding one additional diety to the list of sacrifice recipients would not have consumed much effort or expense. However, by no stretch of my limited imagination are you worthy of consideration as anything better than a meal. Holloween is when the oddities and alternative worshippers meet to settle any unresolved issues. It's a little like a union hall meeting. The meetings are limited to certified monsters and abominations. There are qualifications for membership and limitations on certain undesireables. For example, we do not tollerate were-skunks (humans that turn into skunks). If wish to apply for attendence on the basis of being a were-cat, by all means, please do so. We were watching KCET's "100 years of horror movies" on the TV and cheering for the monsters. If you had attended and shown any fright, you would probably have been eaten or at least attacked. The issues discussed are of considerable importance to us monstrosities and would probably be of no interest to you. For example, in the 1960's it was necessary to limit membership to were-animals that were normally human. There was little protest until those that are normally animals but acted like humans, applied for membership. Specifically, Rin-Tin-Tin and Lassie became members of the Screen Actors Guild (under Ronald Reagan) and declared this to be a sufficient endorsement of legitimacy. The issue was discussed with much snarling and growling by both side. Since no appropriate label could be found (were-humans?), membership was refused. The issue came up again the 1970's as Flipper attempted to join on the same basis. Again, he was denied membership. Recently, many of the Star Trek oddities applied on the basis that they were in both camps (human and animal) simultaneously. The were-fundamentalists were agast, while the more liberal reformers were in favour. This was the topic of Saturdays meeting. As some of the participants are just now recovering from injuries sustained during the debate, the issue has not been clearly decided. As you can plainly see, your attendence would not have been particularly welcome. You also would have found that alternating boredom and terror is not conducive to enjoying your meal. You would also need to have been on guard against those who would literally have wanted you for dinner. I don't think you would have enjoyed your visit.