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Lyrics from MOBY OR NOT MOBY (Episode 28)
by John P. McCann.

Captain Ahab, You're a Dummy
(Sung to What Do You Do with a Drunken Sailor?)

 
YW+D: Captain Ahab, you're a dummy
      Killing whales is really crummy
      Get a clue and don't be scummy
      Early in the morning.
 
Ahab: No more singing; man the harpoon
      Moby Dick is mine; it's high noon
      Spear him now; on with the cartoon
      Early in the morning.
 
Y+W : Stop your whaling; stop your moaning
      Pun intended; stop that groaning
      Don't kill whales, and start atoning
      Early in the morning.
 
YW+D: Watch Star Trek IV or ask your teachers
      Whales are kind and lovely creatures
      They've got eyes and facial features
      Killing whales is stupid.
Transcribed by Raymond Hom


Lyrics from PHRANKEN-RUNT (Episode 29)
by John P. McCann

Let's Try For Two

Rita: (spoken) I hate being wet.
Runt: Yep, it's wet.  It's definitely wet out here.
      Uh, I'm sorry I got us kicked out of that count guy's home.
Rita: What was it with that bat fetish anyway?
Runt: Don't know, but he hates Italian food; definitely hates garlic.
Rita: If we find another house, just follow my lead:
 
Rita: Let's try for two
      What's the sense of stopping now?
      Just me and you
      We're the pros with the know-how
      To get kicked out of every place
      We've ever set a paw.
      We're not through
      Let's try for two.
You Gotta Use Your Brain
 
Rita: Home ahoy!
      Told ya, boy!
      Follow my lead
      Watch my ploy
      Runt
      You gotta use your brain and think.
 
Runt: Let's get fed!
Rita: Give it a whirl.
Runt: Hurts my head!
Rita: Oh, Runt, you gotta use your brain.
 
DrPh: Hot dog, check it out
      Santa sent me brains for Scout
      Come and stay with Aunty Glory
      Forever in my laboratory.
 
Rita: Watch my stuff.
Runt: Let's begin!
Rita: Don't you bark or
Runt: Track mud in?
Rita: Hey, Runt, you just used your brain.
Runt: Definit-- Definit-- Who me?
Rita: You just used your brain.
 
---
I'm a Hands-On Kinda Girl
Runt: (spoken) What a nice human.  She tied me to a little bed so
      I won't fall off when I take my nap.  Sure wish Rita was here,
      definitely, definitely do.
 
DrPh: Standing in the lab watching dials twirl
      You're lying on the slab; let me give it a whirl
      Let me open a valve; I'm a hands-on kinda girl.

      Soon you'll be better and raring to go
      I'll rule the world from here to Kokomo
      Call me insane; I'm a hands on kinda dame.

      Your cerebellum's great for my morale
      'Cause I'll be taking over right from this locale
      Thanks a bunch, pal; I'm a hands on kinda gal.
      Cha-cha-cha.

---
Let's Try For Three
Rita: (spoken) Getting bounced from two homes in one night is
      a new record for us.
 
Rita: Let's try for three
      What the sense of stopping now?
      Just you and me
      We're the pros with the know-how
      To get kicked out of every place
      We've ever set a paw
      Life's rent-free
      Let's try for three!
 
Runt: (spoken) Good idea, Rita; let's try for three.
Rita: Dogs. Go fig.
Transcribed by Michael Russell, Ron O'Dell, J.J. Nicholson and Andy Diaz


Lyrics from HOT, BOTHERED AND BEDEVILED (Episode 30)
Music by Julie Bernstein.
Lyrics by John P. McCann.

You're in Hades Now

Chorus girls:
   You plunge into the fire and it's really hot
   You have to stay forever whether you like it or not
   Where the torment never ends
   You've got fiery brimstone and demons for friends
   You're in Hades now, for eternity
   Hope you're not too choosy 'bout your company!
 
---
I Hate the Government
Protest singer:
   Oh, I hate the government
   More than you hate me
   The government stole my goldfish
   And unplugged my TV.
 
---
Purgatory, Here We Come (parody of California, Here I Come)
YW+D  : Purgatory, here we come
        So long hate and devil scum
Yakko : Where fires will spire into the night
W+D   : Where boulders will smolder...
YW+D  : ...sizzling bright
Yakko : The afterlife's cruel politics
Charon: Sends us on the river Styx
Yakko : At our feet flames take their licks
YWD+C : Oh, Purgatory, here we come!
Transcribed by Raymond Hom and Ron O'Dell


Lyrics from MOON OVER MINERVA (Episode 30)
by Nicholas Hollander

 
Wilford: Be my love
         My turtle dove
         The pretty little mink
         I'm dreaming of.
         (Girls have an innate weakness for musicians!)
         My one and only sweetie pie...

(SPLASH!)

Minerva: (spoken) Hit the road, Jack!
Wilford: Ain't she neat?
Transcribed by Ron O'Dell


Lyrics from SKULLHEAD BONEYHANDS (Episode 30)
Originally from Tiny Toon Adventures.

 
YW+D: It's the Mr Skullhead Show
      Starring him: Mr Skullhead
      'Cause it's his show that he has
      Mr Skullhead!

---
 
YW+D: That's the Mr Skullhead show
      Starring him: Mr Skullhead
      And it's the end of the show that he has
      Mr Skullhead!
Transcribed by Ron O'Dell


Lyrics from O SILLY MIO (Episode 31)
by Randy Rogel and Paul Rugg

Sung to the Toreador Song from Carmen by Georges Bizet.

 
Yakko: Darling, I love you
       With all my heart and soul
       Unfortunately
       You're too heavy to hold.
       You
       And I will live in splendid bliss
       Now give me a big kiss!
       Mwah!
Transcribed by Ron O'Dell


Lyrics from PUTTIN' ON THE BLITZ (Episode 31)
Music and lyrics by Nicholas Hollander

 
Rita: Just look into my eyes
      Tell me what you see
      This looks more like Van Nuys
      Than Burbank to me.

      Just listen to the call
      Oh and ain't it sweet
      No matter how we fall
      We land on our feet.

      Oh you and I, we're like a masquerader
      Who travels incognito with a friend
      No matter where you go, you'll see me later
      I know we'll be together in the end.

---
 
Rita: Don't leave it up to fate
      For the odds are slim
      Don't gamble with your life
      You can never win.

      We'll see her to the train
      Then we'll leave Warsaw
      After the child
      Is reconciled
      With her papa.

---
 
Rita: You know, I should have my head examined
      The fact is, I could not go without you
      I'm fond of your slow wit and your bad hairdo
      We'll always be together, me and you.
Transcribed by Raymond Hom, Ron O'Dell and C. David Tallman


THE PLANETS (Episode 32)
Music arranged by Richard Stone.
Lyrics by Paul Rugg.

 
Yakko: The closest to the Sun
       Is the planet Mercury
       Next the shrouded planet Venus
       Is as cloudy as can be.
 
       The Earth is next; we call it home
       Let's hope it stays that way
       And then there's Mars; it's really red
       What more can I say?
 
       The gassy planet Jupiter's
       As big as planets come
       Then there's Saturn with its mighty
       Rings made up of tiny crumbs.
 
       We travel on to Neptune
       That's a gassy, freezing ball
       And cold and tiny Pluto
       It's the furthest one of all.
 
Yakko: (spoken) Well, there you go. That's our solar system.
Wakko: You forgot Uranus.
Yakko: Goodnight, everybody.

Lyrics from CLOWN AND OUT (Episode 34)
Music by Julie Bernstein.
Lyrics by Nicholas Hollander and Paul Rugg.

You'll Never Laugh Alone (parody of You'll Never Walk Alone)

 
Clown: When you want to scream
       Put away that frown
       And never be scared of a clown
       Laugh on
       Laugh on
       Laugh on and on and on
       You'll never laugh alone!
 
---
Nice and Chubby Baby
 
Clown: When the whippoorwill
       Whippoors in the wind
       The wind can whippoor back,
       Oh nice and chubby baby!
Transcribed by Ron O'Dell and "The Corinthian"


Lyrics from BUBBA BO BOB BRAIN (Episode 34 / P4b)
Music by Julie Bernstein.
Lyrics by Sherri Stoner.

For lyrics from readalong album version
see the entry in the videos and albums section.

Empty Hollow Head (parody of Achy Breaky Heart)

Willie Ray Cyprus:
   Don't tell my head
   My empty hollow head
   You know I wouldn't understand...
 
---
Telephone Repairman (parody of Wichita Lineman)
Glenn Campbell caricature:
   I am a telephone repairman
   From this area...

---
King of the World
Brain:
   I am a lab mouse
   I escaped from my cage
   Never had a job
   Never earned minimum wage
   But you will respect me -- YES!
   Once my plan is unfurled
   You will call me your leader
   I'll be King Of The World.
 
---
Parody of The Gambler
 
Kenny Rogers caricature:
   You gotta know how to cut 'em
   Know how to shuffle
   Know how to deal the cards
   Before you play Fish with me.
Transcribed by Steve Kramer and Ron O'Dell


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