Lyrics from DOT'S ENTERTAINMENT (Episode H2)
by Nicholas Hollander
ALW = Andy Lloud WebbyCats of Phantom Boulevard (parody of ? from ?)
Singers: We are Cats of Phantom Boulevard Oh wow. Now singing Now dancing Now ticket sales advancing. Woman : We're the Cats of Phantom Boulevard Singers: The Cats of Phantom Boulevard Woman : Meow. ---Dental Avenue
Dot : I came in here and took a seat He says, "Don't eat candy; that is sweet" I said to him, "My heart is breaking." I chewed some gum and that's the truth It pulled the filling from a tooth And now I feel my back teeth aching. Dental avenue Painful avenue Root canal is only the beginning. Toothless avenue Rootless avenue And only my dentist will be grinning. ALW : What? That's not in the script!Take a Nap Instead
Yakko: Snoring, boring The play is confusing Lay back, way back Soon I will be snoozing Think I need a break 'Cause this feeling I can't shake And I'll have to go and take a nap instead. Yakko: Well, my job here is done! ALW : What? Next scene! No!!!Snacktime
Wakko: Snacktime Got a nosh in the midnight The time is right for a light bite Got to eat something tonight. A cookie A sandwich A cruller Or limburger cheese No more fish balls If you please! (burp) Now 's the time to dine! ALW : No! Just do it the way I wrote it!Dough, Some Cash
Dot : Dough, some cash -- a wad of cash Yakko: Ray, a guy who fixes cars. Wakko: Me, the one who takes out the trash YW+D : Far, the distance to the stars. Yakko: So, a word that goes with "well" Dot : LA, a city where we dwell Wakko: Tea, with honey it tastes swell Y+W : And that brings us back to... Dot : ...Dough! ALW : No! That's not even my song! You terrible children! You're ruining my play!Don't Shout At Us, Mr Webby
YW+D : Don't shout at us, Mr Webby Because your show's a floppo. When your plays stink You blame the actors. You know what we think? There are other factors. Like the playwright Needs to rewrite. And the libretto Needs a stiletto. And the entire book Needs a new cook. If you composed it Then you dispose it!
Lyrics from VALUABLE LESSON (Episode H2)
by Paul Rugg
(parody of the Smurfs)
Singers: In the heart of a meadow In this tall patch of grass Live the cute and fuzzy Snugglers In their huts made of glass. Grandpa: (spoken) And that's why we eat dirt. Kids : Ohhh... Boy : Grandpazoid Snuggler, why do we get angry? Grandpa: Now, that's a snuggly question. Let's talk at length about anger. Grandpa: We get angry when we're upset We get angry when we're sad We get angry when we're selfish We get angry when we're bad.
PANAMA CANAL (Episode H5)
Music traditional (Erie Canal). Lyrics by John P. McCann.
Yakko: Got a tramp steamer My ship's called Hal Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal Yakko: Got a cargo of sodas They are low-cal Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal Yakko: Sailing 'cross The Caribbean Sea To the Pacific in a jiffy Through Panama But not on land I'd look silly with my ship in the sand Crew : Yo, Hal! Try the Canal Yo, Hal! The Canal is your pal You can sail a cargo ship From sea to shining sea Through the Panama Canal For a nominal fee Yakko: You enter a lock It's a ship corral Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal Yakko: You pay your money Then get a decal Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal Yakko: You cross the locks They number three Full of water for you and me 100 feet wide 41 feet deep Water enough to drench a sheep Crew : High lock Up goes the ship Low lock The ship takes a dip First they raise the water level Then lower it again 'Cross the Panama Canal It's really zen Yakko: We passed the locks With good morale Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal Yakko: The crew yells out Crew : "Thank you, Hal!" 40 miles on the Panama Canal Yakko: You're welcome, men Wasn't that fun? 40 miles Our voyage is done From Colón Now past Balboa Adiós, Panama So long; alohaTranscribed by David Orozco
HELLO NURSE (Episode H5)
Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel.
Dot : Mirror, mirror on the wall Who's the most gorgeous girl of all? Y+W : Helloooo Nurse! Dot : Grrr... Wakko: She's the woman of the year Independent, a career There's not a thing that she couldn't do. Oh, she's alert, she's aware She's got legs like Astaire And a hundred-fifty-seven I.Q. She has several Ph.Ds Speaks fluent Japanese And her shoes will always match with her purse. Whatever street she's walking down Everybody turns around And says... Y+W : ...Helloooo Nurse! Wakko: She likes cheese and pepperoni Won a Pulitzer and a Tony She played the leading role in King Lear. She never drinks, she never smokes She never laughs at dirty jokes She was ambassador to China last year. Oh, she's politically correct She'd never call collect She plays Chopin and she doesn't rehearse. And when she's walking by I give a little sigh And shout... Y+W : ...Helloooo Nurse! Wakko: She gets her math equations right She reads Tolstoy every night She won the Nobel Prize in physics, it's true. She drives a shiny new Corvette Sings opera at the Met And volunteers her time at the zoo. Oh, she won a scholarship to Yale Got a Fulbright in the mail And took a two-year junior college degree. She's manna sent from heaven Too bad I'm only seven 'Cause, Hello Nurse, I wish you'd take care of me! Y+W : If she's not everything that we've said Then may lightning strike us dead (rumble, zap!) Helloooo Nurse! Mwah!
BALLAD OF MAGELLAN (Episode H5)
Music traditional (Get Along, Little Dogeys),
arranged by Julie Bernstein.
Lyrics by Paul Rugg and John P. McCann.
Yakko: There once was a man His name was Magellan A Portuguese skipper The girls found him cute He sailed with five ships To find the East Indies Then come back to Spain With a bounty of loot YW+D : Whoopie ti-yi-yo Oh happy Magellan Starting your journey With hardly a care Whoopie ti-yi-yo Strong, brave Magellan You'll find the East Indies You just don't know where Yakko: They crossed the Atlantic And spotted a country Magellan said Mglln: It's the East Indies at last! Yakko: But then someone shouted Wakko: Hey, that's Argentina! Yakko: Magellan got cranky And chopped down the mast YW+D : Whoopie ti-yi-yo Settle down, Magellan Put down that axe There's no time to despair Whoopie ti-yi-yo Keep trying, Magellan You'll find the East Indies You just don't know where Yakko: A great storm arose In the mighty Pacific The five little ships Were diminished to three At last land was sighted Magellan was happy But then someone shouted Dot : Hey, that's Chile! YW+D : Whoopie ti-yi-yo Cheer up, Magellan Check out your map And don't tear out your hair Whoopie ti-yi-yo Keep trying, Magellan You'll find the East Indies You just don't know where Yakko: It took them five months But they crossed the Pacific They spotted a land That was dotted with palms Magellan proclaimed Mglln: Yes! That's the East Indies! Yakko: But then someone shouted Wakko: Hey, I think that's Guam! YW+D : Ay-yi-yi-yi Oops, Magellan Your fun little journey's Become a nightmare Whoopie ti-yi-yo Keep trying, Magellan You'll find the East Indies You just don't know where Yakko: They sailed due west To the Philippine Islands Magellan was pleased As the natives drew near But then someone shouted YW+D : I think they're attacking! Yakko: Magellan said... Mglln: ...What? Yakko: And got hit by a spear YW+D : Whoopie ti-yi-yo Farewell, Magellan You almost made it It's really not fair Whoopie ti-yi-yo Oh, ghost of Magellan The East Indies islands Were right over there.Transcribed by David Orozco
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