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Lyrics from DOT'S ENTERTAINMENT (Episode H2)
by Nicholas Hollander

ALW = Andy Lloud Webby
Cats of Phantom Boulevard (parody of ? from ?)
Music by Julie Bernstein.
Singers: We are Cats of Phantom Boulevard
         Oh wow.
         Now singing
         Now dancing
         Now ticket sales advancing.
Woman  : We're the Cats of Phantom Boulevard
Singers: The Cats of Phantom Boulevard
Woman  : Meow.
Dental Avenue
(parody of Sunset Boulevard from Sunset Boulevard)
Music by Julie Bernstein.
Dot  : I came in here and took a seat
       He says, "Don't eat candy; that is sweet"
       I said to him, "My heart is breaking."
       I chewed some gum and that's the truth
       It pulled the filling from a tooth
       And now I feel my back teeth aching.
       Dental avenue
       Painful avenue
       Root canal is only the beginning.
       Toothless avenue
       Rootless avenue
       And only my dentist will be grinning.
ALW  : What? That's not in the script!
Take a Nap Instead
(parody of Music of the Night from Phantom of the Opera)
Music by Julie Bernstein.
Yakko: Snoring, boring
       The play is confusing
       Lay back, way back
       Soon I will be snoozing
       Think I need a break
       'Cause this feeling I can't shake
       And I'll have to go and take a nap instead.
Yakko: Well, my job here is done!
ALW  : What? Next scene! No!!!
(parody of Memory from Cats)
Music by Julie Bernstein.
Wakko: Snacktime
       Got a nosh in the midnight
       The time is right for a light bite
       Got to eat something tonight.
       A cookie
       A sandwich
       A cruller
       Or limburger cheese
       No more fish balls
       If you please! (burp)
       's the time to dine!
ALW  : No! Just do it the way I wrote it!
Dough, Some Cash
(parody of Doe, a Deer from The Sound of Music)
Music by Julie Bernstein.
Dot  : Dough, some cash -- a wad of cash
Yakko: Ray, a guy who fixes cars.
Wakko: Me, the one who takes out the trash
YW+D : Far, the distance to the stars.
Yakko: So, a word that goes with "well"
Dot  : LA, a city where we dwell
Wakko: Tea, with honey it tastes swell
Y+W  : And that brings us back to...
Dot  : ...Dough!
ALW  : No! That's not even my song! You terrible children!
       You're ruining my play!
Don't Shout At Us, Mr Webby
(parody of Don't Cry For Me, Argentina from Evita)
Music by Julie Bernstein.
YW+D : Don't shout at us, Mr Webby
       Because your show's a floppo.
       When your plays stink
       You blame the actors.
       You know what we think?
       There are other factors.
       Like the playwright
       Needs to rewrite.
       And the libretto
       Needs a stiletto.
       And the entire book
       Needs a new cook.
       If you composed it
       Then you dispose it!

Lyrics from VALUABLE LESSON (Episode H2)
by Paul Rugg

(parody of the Smurfs)

Singers: In the heart of a meadow
         In this tall patch of grass
         Live the cute and fuzzy Snugglers
         In their huts made of glass.
Grandpa: (spoken) And that's why we eat dirt.
Kids   : Ohhh...
Boy    : Grandpazoid Snuggler, why do we get angry?
Grandpa: Now, that's a snuggly question. Let's talk at length about anger.
Grandpa: We get angry when we're upset
         We get angry when we're sad
         We get angry when we're selfish
         We get angry when we're bad.

Music traditional (Erie Canal). Lyrics by John P. McCann.

Yakko: Got a tramp steamer
       My ship's called Hal
Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal
Yakko: Got a cargo of sodas
       They are low-cal
Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal
Yakko: Sailing 'cross
       The Caribbean Sea
       To the Pacific in a jiffy
       Through Panama
       But not on land
       I'd look silly with my ship in the sand
Crew : Yo, Hal!
       Try the Canal
       Yo, Hal!
       The Canal is your pal
       You can sail a cargo ship
       From sea to shining sea
       Through the Panama Canal
       For a nominal fee
Yakko: You enter a lock
       It's a ship corral
Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal
Yakko: You pay your money
       Then get a decal
Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal

Yakko: You cross the locks
       They number three
       Full of water for you and me
       100 feet wide
       41 feet deep
       Water enough to drench a sheep
Crew : High lock
       Up goes the ship
       Low lock
       The ship takes a dip
       First they raise the water level
       Then lower it again
       'Cross the Panama Canal
       It's really zen
Yakko: We passed the locks
       With good morale
Crew : 40 miles on the Panama Canal
Yakko: The crew yells out
Crew : "Thank you, Hal!"
       40 miles on the Panama Canal

Yakko: You're welcome, men
       Wasn't that fun?
       40 miles
       Our voyage is done
       From Colón
       Now past Balboa
       Adiós, Panama
       So long; aloha
Transcribed by David Orozco

HELLO NURSE (Episode H5)
Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel.

Dot  : Mirror, mirror on the wall
       Who's the most gorgeous girl of all?
Y+W  : Helloooo Nurse!
Dot  : Grrr...
Wakko: She's the woman of the year
       Independent, a career
       There's not a thing that she couldn't do.
       Oh, she's alert, she's aware
       She's got legs like Astaire
       And a hundred-fifty-seven I.Q.
       She has several Ph.Ds
       Speaks fluent Japanese
       And her shoes will always match with her purse.
       Whatever street she's walking down
       Everybody turns around
       And says...
Y+W  : ...Helloooo Nurse!
Wakko: She likes cheese and pepperoni
       Won a Pulitzer and a Tony
       She played the leading role in King Lear.
       She never drinks, she never smokes
       She never laughs at dirty jokes
       She was ambassador to China last year.
       Oh, she's politically correct
       She'd never call collect
       She plays Chopin and she doesn't rehearse.
       And when she's walking by
       I give a little sigh
       And shout...
Y+W  : ...Helloooo Nurse!
Wakko: She gets her math equations right
       She reads Tolstoy every night
       She won the Nobel Prize in physics, it's true.
       She drives a shiny new Corvette
       Sings opera at the Met
       And volunteers her time at the zoo.
       Oh, she won a scholarship to Yale
       Got a Fulbright in the mail
       And took a two-year junior college degree.
       She's manna sent from heaven
       Too bad I'm only seven
       'Cause, Hello Nurse, I wish you'd take care of me!
Y+W  : If she's not everything that we've said
       Then may lightning strike us dead
(rumble, zap!)
       Helloooo Nurse!

Music traditional (Get Along, Little Dogeys),
arranged by Julie Bernstein.
Lyrics by Paul Rugg and John P. McCann.

Yakko: There once was a man
       His name was Magellan
       A Portuguese skipper
       The girls found him cute
       He sailed with five ships
       To find the East Indies
       Then come back to Spain
       With a bounty of loot
YW+D : Whoopie ti-yi-yo
       Oh happy Magellan
       Starting your journey
       With hardly a care
       Whoopie ti-yi-yo
       Strong, brave Magellan
       You'll find the East Indies
       You just don't know where
Yakko: They crossed the Atlantic
       And spotted a country
       Magellan said
Mglln: It's the East Indies at last!
Yakko: But then someone shouted
Wakko: Hey, that's Argentina!
Yakko: Magellan got cranky
       And chopped down the mast
YW+D : Whoopie ti-yi-yo
       Settle down, Magellan
       Put down that axe
       There's no time to despair
       Whoopie ti-yi-yo
       Keep trying, Magellan
       You'll find the East Indies
       You just don't know where
Yakko: A great storm arose
       In the mighty Pacific
       The five little ships
       Were diminished to three
       At last land was sighted
       Magellan was happy
       But then someone shouted
Dot  : Hey, that's Chile!
YW+D : Whoopie ti-yi-yo
       Cheer up, Magellan
       Check out your map
       And don't tear out your hair
       Whoopie ti-yi-yo
       Keep trying, Magellan
       You'll find the East Indies
       You just don't know where
Yakko: It took them five months
       But they crossed the Pacific
       They spotted a land
       That was dotted with palms
       Magellan proclaimed
Mglln: Yes! That's the East Indies!
Yakko: But then someone shouted
Wakko: Hey, I think that's Guam!
YW+D : Ay-yi-yi-yi
       Oops, Magellan
       Your fun little journey's
       Become a nightmare
       Whoopie ti-yi-yo
       Keep trying, Magellan
       You'll find the East Indies
       You just don't know where
Yakko: They sailed due west
       To the Philippine Islands
       Magellan was pleased
       As the natives drew near
       But then someone shouted
YW+D : I think they're attacking!
Yakko: Magellan said...
Mglln: ...What?
Yakko: And got hit by a spear
YW+D : Whoopie ti-yi-yo
       Farewell, Magellan
       You almost made it
       It's really not fair
       Whoopie ti-yi-yo
       Oh, ghost of Magellan
       The East Indies islands
       Were right over there.
Transcribed by David Orozco

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