MIGHTY WAKKO AT THE BAT (Episode 85)
by Randy Rogel
Parody of Casey at the Bat by Ernest Lawrence Thayer
Yakko : The outlook wasn't brilliant For the Warner team that day The championship was almost done With one game left to play. The final inning found our team In something of a bind Our last time up to bat And we were still one run behind. In the dugout everybody watched As Coach Plotz threw a fit Plotz : We're going to lose this game Unless somebody gets a hit! Yakko : And then he spoke those words That make a baseball team afraid Plotz : If we don't win this game today Then no one's getting paid! Yakko : They all jumped up and rallied With a hearty rousing shout Then Scratchansniff went up to bat And immediately struck out. UmpireH: Yer out! DrSns : Awwh... Yakko : Pesto batted next And nailed a grounder deep and wide He made it down the base line But they tagged him in the slide. Umpire1: Yer out! Pesto : What are you -- out of your mind? I was safe by a mile! Umpire1: I said yer out! Pesto : Out, huh? I'll show ya out! Here's yer out! Bobby : Hey! What's the matter with you? You crazy or what? Pesto : I was safe, I tell ya! Safe! Let go! Get yer wings offa me! Let me at 'em! Let me at 'em! Yakko : The Warner fans fell silent For they knew that that was that They were losing; they had two men out And one time left at bat. It was hopeless; it was tragic It was somber; it was tense The only way out now Would be to hit it past the fence. And then a cry went up As all the fans began to shout They could not believe their luck When they saw *him* walking out. The homerun king whose monster swing Could hit that ball so hard Exactly what they needed now Here came Ralph the Guard! There was ease in Ralph's whole manner As he strode up to the plate He saw the crowd, lightly bowed Then stood up nice and straight. He waved as they applauded And he smiled a little grin Then he turned and faced the pitcher And he signaled, "Let's begin." The pitcher snarled in hate And ground the ball into his hip Ralph clutched the bat intensely In a savage, crushing grip. He shot a glance, he took a stance To knock that baseball dead The ball flew straight right towards the plate And beaned him in the head. "No!" cried the maddened crowd As they dragged him off the field That was it; without a hit The Warners' fate was sealed. If only they had had a chance But now it was too late But then a tiny figure Started walking towards the plate. At first the crowd was silent Then they gave a startled gasp It seemed hopeless now to think The game could still be in their grasp. They stared, and someone shouted Kid : Will you take a look at that! Yakko : For little Wakko Warner Was advancing to the bat. The bat was kind of heavy And he dragged it on the ground And some laughter started coming From atop the pitcher's mound. Pitcher: Look at that! It's just a kid! 1stBase: Hey! Whatcha gonna do? Yakko : And the people in the bleachers They all started laughing too. While they howled in wild hysterics Which then grew to a feverish state Little Wakko Warner Dragged his bat up to the plate. He stood there like a tiny fixture Only three feet tall The players jeered; the pitcher sneered And then he hurled the ball. It sped on past, lightning fast Then Wakko got a hit The ball went up, and up and up And through the sky it split... And then it started dropping Toward the center fielder's mitt. Plotz : Oh, please don't let them catch it! Yakko : Plotz was pounding on the wall No use, though; the fielders all Were right beneath the ball. And they'd have caught it too Except there came a sudden noise From Minerva Mink and Hello Nurse Who both said, M+N : Howdy, boys! Yakko : They turned to look; their bodies shook Their tongues came wagging down And amidst it all, they missed the ball Which landed on the ground. Wakko got to base And he was not the only one For Skippy crossed the plate at home And scored the tying run. Wakko tagged at second Then made his way to third And the cheering of the crowd Was like a thing you've never heard. Wakko rounded third for home The game could now be won But he'd have to cross the plate at home To score the winning run. The center fielder heaved the ball The outcome still in doubt Wakko would have to get there first Or else they'd tag him out. The catcher caught the ball And turned to Wakko to collide Wakko Warner hit the dirt And went into a slide! The dirt, it flew; the rocks did too And when it all was done They waited for the dust to clear To see which side had won. Oh, somewhere in this favored land The sun is shining bright The band is playing somewhere And somewhere, hearts are light. And somewhere, men are laughing And somewhere, children shout But there is no joy in Burbank 'Cause the umpire said, UmpireH: You're out! (Wakko pops up from under the plate) Wakko : Hello! UmpireH: You're safe! Catcher: What?! (Crowd cheers; team lifts Wakko) Wakko : Don't you just love a happy ending? (Team carries Wakko away) Mindy : OK, I love you! Bye bye!
Lyrics from FROM BURBANK WITH LOVE (Episode 87)
Music by Julie Bernstein.
Lyrics and dialog by John P. McCann.
Parody of Diamonds are Forever (?)
Singer: Big fat bars of gold are forever Chorus: Forever! Singer: Another parody that's not too clever Chorus: Clever! Singer: Will we make up a new plot? Never! 'Cause big fat bars of gold are forever!
WHEN YOU'RE TRAVELING... (Episode 87)
Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel.
Announcer: And now, Yakko Warner sings about time. Yakko: When you're traveling from Nantucket Through Chicago to Saint Paul And you're standing in an airport And you look upon the wall There's a clock for every city And a different time for all From Asia through Malaysia to Peru. Did you ever wonder why That when it's ten o'clock in Maine At precisely the same moment It is three a.m. in Spain? When it's breakfast time in Rome They're having lunch in the Ukraine And it's supper up in upper Katmandu. If the Earth were spinning faster As the sun is going past 'er Then a day would only be an hour long. And school when they begin it Would only last a minute Before everybody has to run along. W+D : All right! Yakko: If the Earth were the planet That was closest to the sun A year would be much shorter And you'd have a lot of fun 'Cause by the time you were in first grade You'd be over twenty-one And you'd live to be nine hundred three or four. Time is relative, dependent You can save it, you can spend it Doing things you like to do or learning how. Wakko: You can't see it, you can't taste it Dot : But you certainly can waste it Yakko: Which is really what we're doing here right now. The International Date Line's An imaginary cleft Today is on the right side And tomorrow's on the left So when you cross it do you then arrive The day before you left? That's how it'd work; it's quite berserk, you see. So if you were born in China While I'm born in Carolina Well then you're a day ahead of me, you see. So the way I've got it reckoned If we're born in the same second Then why should you be a day older than me? * But it really is no miracle That difference in our birth Because the world is spherical That's why around the Earth YW+D : There's always different times for Moscow London, Boston, and Fort Worth Yakko: And that's the way it's always gonna be. So remember when you're traveling From Nantucket to Saint Paul In that airport as you're staring At those clocks upon the wall You should think about this song, my friend And then you will recall Wakko: That it was mildly amusing Dot : But then totally confusing YW+D : And we bet you wish we hadn't sung at all! * - This line is, of course, wrong both in fact and grammar.
Excerpts from MINDY IN WONDERLAND (Episode 90)
by Nick DuBois
Rabbit: I'm tardy I'm tardy For the royal croquet party No time to waste I must make haste I'm tardy to a party! --- Hatter: You've ruined my tea! Can I forgive you? I guess so. Instead of tea We'll have espresso. --- Mindy : Hi, Mister Log Guys! Whatcha doin'? Dumb : I'm Tweedle Dumb. Dumber: I'm Tweedle Dumber. D+D : Together, we like lifting lumber. --- Mindy : Heeere, fuzzy bunny! Cat : Why look for a rabbit When you can look for me? But purr-haps I can help you Now let me see. Mindy : Funny kitty see fuzzy bunny? Cat : He may have gone left Or he may have gone right But one thing is certain He's gone out of sight. (purr) Of all the mad people I happen to see You are the nicest to stop by my tree. (Mindy sees Rabbit) Mindy : Fuzzy bunny! (Mindy chases Rabbit. Buttons accidentally jumps on Cat while she's invisible.) Cat : Reeeowwwow! You've stepped on my tail You've ruined my day There's no time to argue For this you will pay! --- Mindy : Hi, Mister Card Man! Whatcha doin'? Card 1: Painting these white roses red. Mindy : Why? Card 1: Because if we don't, the Queen of Hearts will cut off our heads. Mindy : Why? Card 1: Because she's a mean, cruel, vicious, evil... Queen : (in distance) Off with her head! Card 2: The Queen! The Queen! Card 1: ...wonderful, sweet, sensitive lady; that's why.
Lyrics from BACK IN STYLE (Episode 91)
by Tom Minton
Obese Orson (parody of Fat Albert)
Music by Julie Bernstein.
Orson : Ho ho ho! I'm Obese Orson And I'm gonna send a message to you! Yakko : (spoken) Please don't. Dot : We've suffered enough on Saturday mornings.---
Night Traveler (parody of Day Tripper by The Beatles)
Music by Julie Bernstein.
Band : She was a night traveler One-way passport, yes It took us quite long To get wise YW+D : But we got wise!
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