Up to previous section

by Randy Rogel

Parody of Casey at the Bat by Ernest Lawrence Thayer

Yakko  : The outlook wasn't brilliant
         For the Warner team that day
         The championship was almost done
         With one game left to play.

         The final inning found our team
         In something of a bind
         Our last time up to bat
         And we were still one run behind.

         In the dugout everybody watched
         As Coach Plotz threw a fit
Plotz  : We're going to lose this game
         Unless somebody gets a hit!

Yakko  : And then he spoke those words
         That make a baseball team afraid
Plotz  : If we don't win this game today
         Then no one's getting paid!

Yakko  : They all jumped up and rallied
         With a hearty rousing shout
         Then Scratchansniff went up to bat
         And immediately struck out.

UmpireH: Yer out!
DrSns  : Awwh...

Yakko  : Pesto batted next
         And nailed a grounder deep and wide
         He made it down the base line
         But they tagged him in the slide.

Umpire1: Yer out!
Pesto  : What are you -- out of your mind? I was safe by a mile!
Umpire1: I said yer out!
Pesto  : Out, huh? I'll show ya out! Here's yer out!
Bobby  : Hey! What's the matter with you? You crazy or what?
Pesto  : I was safe, I tell ya! Safe! Let go! Get yer wings offa me!
         Let me at 'em! Let me at 'em!

Yakko  : The Warner fans fell silent
         For they knew that that was that
         They were losing; they had two men out
         And one time left at bat.

         It was hopeless; it was tragic
         It was somber; it was tense
         The only way out now
         Would be to hit it past the fence.

         And then a cry went up
         As all the fans began to shout
         They could not believe their luck
         When they saw *him* walking out.

         The homerun king whose monster swing
         Could hit that ball so hard
         Exactly what they needed now
         Here came Ralph the Guard!

         There was ease in Ralph's whole manner
         As he strode up to the plate
         He saw the crowd, lightly bowed
         Then stood up nice and straight.

         He waved as they applauded
         And he smiled a little grin
         Then he turned and faced the pitcher
         And he signaled, "Let's begin."

         The pitcher snarled in hate
         And ground the ball into his hip
         Ralph clutched the bat intensely
         In a savage, crushing grip.

         He shot a glance, he took a stance
         To knock that baseball dead
         The ball flew straight right towards the plate
         And beaned him in the head.

         "No!" cried the maddened crowd
         As they dragged him off the field
         That was it; without a hit
         The Warners' fate was sealed.

         If only they had had a chance
         But now it was too late
         But then a tiny figure
         Started walking towards the plate.

         At first the crowd was silent
         Then they gave a startled gasp
         It seemed hopeless now to think
         The game could still be in their grasp.

         They stared, and someone shouted
Kid    : Will you take a look at that!
Yakko  : For little Wakko Warner
         Was advancing to the bat.

         The bat was kind of heavy
         And he dragged it on the ground
         And some laughter started coming
         From atop the pitcher's mound.

Pitcher: Look at that! It's just a kid!
1stBase: Hey! Whatcha gonna do?
Yakko  : And the people in the bleachers
         They all started laughing too.

         While they howled in wild hysterics
         Which then grew to a feverish state
         Little Wakko Warner
         Dragged his bat up to the plate.

         He stood there like a tiny fixture
         Only three feet tall
         The players jeered; the pitcher sneered
         And then he hurled the ball.

         It sped on past, lightning fast
         Then Wakko got a hit
         The ball went up, and up and up
         And through the sky it split...

         And then it started dropping
         Toward the center fielder's mitt.

Plotz  : Oh, please don't let them catch it!
Yakko  : Plotz was pounding on the wall
         No use, though; the fielders all
         Were right beneath the ball.

         And they'd have caught it too
         Except there came a sudden noise
         From Minerva Mink and Hello Nurse
         Who both said,
M+N    :                Howdy, boys!

Yakko  : They turned to look; their bodies shook
         Their tongues came wagging down
         And amidst it all, they missed the ball
         Which landed on the ground.

         Wakko got to base
         And he was not the only one
         For Skippy crossed the plate at home
         And scored the tying run.

         Wakko tagged at second
         Then made his way to third
         And the cheering of the crowd
         Was like a thing you've never heard.

         Wakko rounded third for home
         The game could now be won
         But he'd have to cross the plate at home
         To score the winning run.

         The center fielder heaved the ball
         The outcome still in doubt
         Wakko would have to get there first
         Or else they'd tag him out.

         The catcher caught the ball
         And turned to Wakko to collide
         Wakko Warner hit the dirt
         And went into a slide!

         The dirt, it flew; the rocks did too
         And when it all was done
         They waited for the dust to clear
         To see which side had won.

         Oh, somewhere in this favored land
         The sun is shining bright
         The band is playing somewhere
         And somewhere, hearts are light.

         And somewhere, men are laughing
         And somewhere, children shout
         But there is no joy in Burbank
         'Cause the umpire said,
UmpireH:                         You're out!

(Wakko pops up from under the plate)

Wakko  : Hello!
UmpireH: You're safe!
Catcher: What?!

(Crowd cheers; team lifts Wakko)

Wakko  : Don't you just love a happy ending?

(Team carries Wakko away)

Mindy  : OK, I love you! Bye bye!

Lyrics from FROM BURBANK WITH LOVE (Episode 87)
Music by Julie Bernstein.
Lyrics and dialog by John P. McCann.

Parody of Diamonds are Forever (?)

Singer: Big fat bars of gold are forever
Chorus: Forever!
Singer: Another parody that's not too clever
Chorus: Clever!
Singer: Will we make up a new plot? Never!
        'Cause big fat bars of gold are forever!

Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel.

Announcer: And now, Yakko Warner sings about time.

Yakko: When you're traveling from Nantucket
       Through Chicago to Saint Paul
       And you're standing in an airport
       And you look upon the wall
       There's a clock for every city
       And a different time for all
       From Asia through Malaysia to Peru.

       Did you ever wonder why
       That when it's ten o'clock in Maine
       At precisely the same moment
       It is three a.m. in Spain?
       When it's breakfast time in Rome
       They're having lunch in the Ukraine
       And it's supper up in upper Katmandu.

       If the Earth were spinning faster
       As the sun is going past 'er
       Then a day would only be an hour long.
       And school when they begin it
       Would only last a minute
       Before everybody has to run along.
W+D  : All right!

Yakko: If the Earth were the planet
       That was closest to the sun
       A year would be much shorter
       And you'd have a lot of fun
       'Cause by the time you were in first grade
       You'd be over twenty-one
       And you'd live to be nine hundred three or four.

       Time is relative, dependent
       You can save it, you can spend it
       Doing things you like to do or learning how.
Wakko: You can't see it, you can't taste it
Dot  : But you certainly can waste it
Yakko: Which is really what we're doing here right now.

       The International Date Line's
       An imaginary cleft
       Today is on the right side
       And tomorrow's on the left
       So when you cross it do you then arrive
       The day before you left?
       That's how it'd work; it's quite berserk, you see.

       So if you were born in China
       While I'm born in Carolina
       Well then you're a day ahead of me, you see.
       So the way I've got it reckoned
       If we're born in the same second
       Then why should you be a day older than me? *

       But it really is no miracle
       That difference in our birth
       Because the world is spherical
       That's why around the Earth
YW+D : There's always different times for Moscow
       London, Boston, and Fort Worth
Yakko: And that's the way it's always gonna be.

       So remember when you're traveling
       From Nantucket to Saint Paul
       In that airport as you're staring
       At those clocks upon the wall
       You should think about this song, my friend
       And then you will recall
Wakko: That it was mildly amusing
Dot  : But then totally confusing
YW+D : And we bet you wish we hadn't sung at all!

* - This line is, of course, wrong both in fact and grammar.

Excerpts from MINDY IN WONDERLAND (Episode 90)
by Nick DuBois

Rabbit: I'm tardy
        I'm tardy
        For the royal croquet party
        No time to waste
        I must make haste
        I'm tardy to a party!


Hatter: You've ruined my tea!
        Can I forgive you?
        I guess so.
        Instead of tea
        We'll have espresso.


Mindy : Hi, Mister Log Guys! Whatcha doin'?
Dumb  : I'm Tweedle Dumb.
Dumber: I'm Tweedle Dumber.
D+D   : Together, we like lifting lumber.


Mindy : Heeere, fuzzy bunny!
Cat   : Why look for a rabbit
        When you can look for me?
        But purr-haps I can help you
        Now let me see.
Mindy : Funny kitty see fuzzy bunny?
Cat   : He may have gone left
        Or he may have gone right
        But one thing is certain
        He's gone out of sight.
        (purr) Of all the mad people I happen to see
        You are the nicest to stop by my tree.
(Mindy sees Rabbit)
Mindy : Fuzzy bunny!
(Mindy chases Rabbit. Buttons accidentally jumps on Cat while she's invisible.)
Cat   : Reeeowwwow! You've stepped on my tail
        You've ruined my day
        There's no time to argue
        For this you will pay!


Mindy : Hi, Mister Card Man! Whatcha doin'?
Card 1: Painting these white roses red.
Mindy : Why?
Card 1: Because if we don't, the Queen of Hearts will cut off our heads.
Mindy : Why?
Card 1: Because she's a mean, cruel, vicious, evil...
Queen : (in distance) Off with her head!
Card 2: The Queen! The Queen!
Card 1: ...wonderful, sweet, sensitive lady; that's why.

Lyrics from BACK IN STYLE (Episode 91)
by Tom Minton

Obese Orson (parody of Fat Albert)
Music by Julie Bernstein.

Orson  : Ho ho ho!
         I'm Obese Orson
         And I'm gonna send a message to you!
Yakko  : (spoken) Please don't.
Dot    : We've suffered enough on Saturday mornings.

Night Traveler (parody of Day Tripper by The Beatles)
Music by Julie Bernstein.

Band   : She was a night traveler
         One-way passport, yes
         It took us quite long
         To get wise
YW+D   : But we got wise!

End of section

Next section -- AMLF menu