this is not sex

I have had sex and this
is not sex
is some finer thing
some lower higher thing
something that never
before was
as more fingers fit
than physically
could be
and the next morning
hungrily I
suck them
as when in kissing 
I ejaculate
in my mind
and again again
as her mouth on
my ear
far better than any
woman I have known
as I am crucified
eli eli lammach 
sabbacthani
delicious nails
deeper yes the cross 
of this
as the sobbing
candle 
gutters and is
reborn
and if my cock hides
in fear she
does not care
and she has a word
no
that is a beautiful
lie
as I reach inside
her farther
than my reach 
extends
and within she is
more expansive
than all space
tighter than 
the child of whom
I must not think
as she whispers
daddy 
daddy
ever on the pain
edge razoring
the line that 
connects 
my teeth
on her nipple
to her clit
and I am 
forever diminished
that as her cheeks 
are so lovely 
full and 
round my tongue
will never 
never fit far
enough up
her so sweet
embracing
ass