HYMN TO HER
O much-married, meat-is-murder, menopausal mamma from Missoula
I wanna m-mail you monthly
Monstrous mounds of Maui moonlight.
O glorious, good-hearted, green-thumbed goddess from Los Gatos
I'm gonna g-mail you in June
Eight imperial gallons of gelatinous genital goo.
O eternal editor, erotic, erratic, Esalen-educated East Village Eve
I eagerly e-mail you each weekend
Eleven inches of my almost erect electric eel
To shock you into endless eddies of ecstasy.
O female executive, ex-con, ex-wife
O loco wench from Waco, Texas
I wanna express x-mail you
Sixty-six sexy French postcards
That the US Postal Service won't touch:
Could give us exciting ideas--
Explosive ideas much too extreme for x-mail.
O overweight, overworked, overtly ovulating Oberlin, Ohio one-night stand
I o-mailed you on this October moon
Wrapped in oyster-colored ribbon, to overjoy your ovaries
Your olfactory glands, your oily oyster-colored openings.
O planet-perambulating pinup, pantheistic, persnickety Philadelphia PhD
I'm p-mailing you periodically
A pair of Pope-anointed, pagan-blessed purple panties
Personally empowered to grant your every pelvic wish.
O Sherman-smoking, semen-shunning, sassy Seattle sex scientist
I solemnly sent you in Sunday's s-mail
Sixty-seven billion soy-soaked Nobel-Prize spermatozoa
For your utopian breeding experiments
Or Saturday's spaghetti sauce: your choice, sister.
O divorced, depressed, delicious Divisadero Street double-D dumpling
I d-mail you daily
A Denver sandwich, dill pickles, deep-fried squid
Dark-chocolate fudge, devil's-food cake and Turkish delight
Thru the magic of d-waves, my darling
I deliver you a virtual delicatessan.
O A-cupped ace cook, angel-lipped Atherton acidhead
I a-mail you annually
An ark of apples from Eve's garden
May you discover thru your tongue
What knowledge actually tastes like.
O thigh-ticklish, tender-hearted, tap-dancing tai-chi teacher from Taos
Each Tuesday eve I teasingly t-mail you
Twenty-three tubs of transcendental theological transmission fluid
That's hot Zeus juice, toots, and slippery goddess elixir too
When spiritual overhaul time comes round
You'll be twice-born and thankful you plugged in
To my titanic tube of t-mail.
O brainy, brown-eyed, Buddhist bondage whore from Berkeley
I belatedly b-mail you
The Blessed Virgin Mary, the Babe from Bethlehem
Holy baptism, benediction, the Bread, The Body and the Blood
All the good parts from my Catholic boyhood
I b-mail to you, my brave and sacred prostitute.
O lazy, lascivious, lactating Leo from L.A.
I leisurely, longingly l-mail you
Love in every form I can think of
Love in every form I can get away with
Love in every form there is.
I use audio, video, radio, rodeo
Dream waves and astral tattoos
Etheric vibrations, deep space oscillations
To make some impression on you.
Honey, I got rope burns on my cranium
Spine fused by astral arcs
Calluses on my testicles
And stretch marks round my heart
No regrets, dear, I learned plenty
Tho I didn't find the Grail
But one thing I hafta ask ya, love:
"When ya gonna answer your mail?"