Lyrics from HOOKED ON A CEILING (Episode 4)
by Gordon Bressack and Charles Howell IV
YW+D : If you need your ceiling painted come see us
We will paint it better than a guy named Gus
If it's flaking and it's peeling
We will renovate your ceiling
We will make it so appealing
Come see us!
Dot : Ceilings!
Nothing more than ceilings!
Lyrics from TAMING OF THE SCREWY (Episode 5)
by Peter Hastings
The Studio Shrink
Yakko: Hello
Dot : Doctor
Wakko: Scratchansniff!
YW+D : He asks a lot of questions
To find out what we think
He's Doctor Scratchansniff
The studio shrink.
W+D : He says,
Yakko: "How do you feel?"
W+D : We say, "With our hands!"
Yakko: "How do you stay together?"
W+D : We use rubber bands!
Yakko: "I want to know your psyche!"
W+D : There's two inside our skull!
Yakko: "Now what would you call that?"
W+D : A bi-psyche skull!
YW+D : He knows our motivations
That's what he'd like to think
He's Doctor Scratchansniff
The studio shrink!
Transcribed by Raymond Hom
---The Etiquette Song
Yakko: When you walk into a party
It's a formal universe
DrSns: Ja!
YW+D : So you jump up on your host
And with a kiss say "Hello, Nurse!"
DrSns: No!
Yakko: Remember that good diction
Reflects so well on you
DrSns: Ja!
YW+D : So practice all your vowel sounds
By saying "AEIOUUUUU"
DrSns: No!
Yakko: To use the right utensil
Is one of etiquette's demands
DrSns: Uuuuuggghhhh...
YW+D : So we recommend you throw them out
And eat with your hands!
Yakko: A salad fork
Dot : A dinner fork
Wakko: A butter knife
YW+D : A water glass
Yakko: A soup spoon
Dot : A dinner knife
Wakko: A fork for eating pickled bass
YW+D : An oyster fork, dessert spoon, a napkin, and a finger bowl,
A dinner spoon, a salad knife, a bread plate for your dinner roll!
YW+D : We've heard the rules you need to know to make that social climb
But we'd rather spend our energy on having a good time!
WARNER (Episode 6)
Parody of Flipper
YW+D : They call us Warner, Warner
Y+W : Brothers...
Dot : ...and Sister.
Yakko: Ain't she a dish?
Dot : And we taste just like fish!
YW+D : And the Warners stir up
Cartoon confusion
Causing contusions
Wherever they swish!
Transcribed by Raymond Hom
WHAT ARE WE? (Episode 6)
Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel.
Wakko: Maybe we are dogs
Cute little dogs with ears
Woof woof! (pant)
And little tails that we can wag
Hey! Let's go fetch his slippers and play tag!
DrSns: Hey, get off of me!
Dot : Maybe I'm a cat
Whaddaya think of that?
A lovely cat that all the world adores
And here's my kitty paws
With little kitty claws
Which I like to sharpen on your couch!
DrSns: Augghh! That's not funny!
Yakko: Maybe I'm a bunny
Hopping 'round here happy as I please
Or penguins and it's cold, which makes you sneeze.
Yakko: I've got it! Of course!
Maybe I'm a horse
I can live on oats and hay
And laugh and run and jump and play
And you can ride on me all day!
DrSns: No way!
Dot : Hey, maybe I'm a skunk
DrSns: Oh boy, you really stink!
Yakko: A dinosaur might be some fun
DrSns: But then you'd be extinct.
Dot : Maybe we're all insects
Wakko: Do you like bugs and bees?
DrSns: You kids are buggy in the head
Yakko: Maybe we're giant fleas!
Dot : Maybe an electric eel
Wakko: Or a seal
Dot : Get real!
Hey wait a minute, I've got it now
DrSns: You do?!
Dot : Yes, I do.
YW+D : We're not bees and we're not cats
Or bugs or horses or things like that.
What we are is clear and absolute!
What we are, dear doctor...
Dot : Is cute!
YW+D : Mmmmwah!
DrSns: I'm sorry I asked.
Lyrics from PIANO RAG (Episode 7)
by Nicholas Hollander
Yakko: 'Twas a guy named Joe from Kokomo
Playing that piano rag
Wakko: He banged the keys with his head and his knees
Playing that piano rag
Dot : He twiddled with his toes and he diddled with his nose
Playing that piano rag
YW+D : And when the day was done he had some fun
Playing that piano rag!
(applause)
YW+D : He was playing that piano rag!
Transcribed by Raymond Hom
Lyrics from WHEN RITA MET RUNT (Episode 7)
by Sherri Stoner
Humans Ain't What They Seem to Be
Rita: What's a human good for, anyway?
Runt: They pet you when they're sad
Rita: They smack you when you're bad
Runt: When you're hungry they definitely feed you.
Rita: Yeah, on vacation they leave you with hardly no food.
Ring a bell, dude?
(Runt looks under dish and sighs)
Rita: Exactly my point.
Rita: Humans ain't what they seem to be
They don't mean that much to me
No, not much at all.
When you're little and tiny
They pet your cute hiney
But then when you grow
It's a simple no-show
It's "shoo shoo off this"
And "don't you dare scratch on that"
If they call you at all
It's always "dumb cat."
Humans ain't what they seem to be
They don't mean that much to me
No, not much at all.
But when it's all dark and quiet
I try hard to fight it
But I dream of home
Then I won't have to roam
Someone to feed me and put me to bed
And scratch me just so on top of my head.
But I ain't gonna love 'em
Not gonna answer that call
'Cause humans don't mean that much to me
No, not much at all.
(bars fall away)
Rita: Who knew?
Transcribed by Michael Russell and Sean Brandenburg
WARNER'S LOT (Episode 8)
Parody of Gilligan's Island
Just listen up and you'll hear a tale A tale of the Warner three Went on the water tower They did try to flee. They shot into the puffy clouds Some seeds to make it rain And rain it did, so much in fact The tower floated away, All around L.A. When the rain dried up The tower was aground On the Burbank lot The Warner Brothers then escaped With their sister Dot And they took off like a shot. Now they're being chased around The Warner studio By Scratchansniff And Hello Nurse The CEO Ralph the Guard Some movie stars The Professor and Mary Ann On the Warner's Lot!Transcribed by O.G. Shofner
Lyrics from THE BIG CANDY STORE (Episode 8)
by Paul Rugg
YW+D : The candyman's swell
One look and you can tell
That this nice man wears a toupée.
Wakko: Please don't mind what I will now say
I think that you should wear ... a beret!
YW+D : Hey!
Transcribed by Raymond Hom
Lyrics from BUMBIE'S MOM (Episode 8)
by Sherri Stoner
Bumbie, the dearest deer Deep in the darkest forest he grew. Bumbie, the dearest deer His mother the only friend he knew.Transcribed by Ron O'Dell
Lyrics from WALLY LLAMA (Episode 9)
by Paul Rugg
YW+D: Llama llama llama
Our question answer, please.
When we hear the answer
We promise that we'll leave.
Hey!
Transcribed by Ron O'Dell