Up to previous section

SLIPPIN' ON THE ICE (Episode 50)

Parody of Singin' in the Rain

YW+D: We're slippin' on the ice
      Just slippin' on the ice
      For a fabulous pratfall
      Just follow this advice
Y+W : Let your feet take a flip
Dot : I've broken my hip
YW+D: We're slippin' and slidin' on the ice!
Dot : (spoken) I've fallen and I can't get up.
Transcribed by Kevin J. Podsiadlik

Musical score by Steve Bernstein.
Words by Randy Rogel and Tom Ruegger.

Slappy: Skippy! You should have been asleep hours ago.
Skippy: I know, Aunt Slappy, but I can't sleep; I keep hearing Santa's sleigh.
Slappy: Ah, that's just the LAPD choppers. Santy's not coming until you're
        asleep, kiddo, so get to bed.
Skippy: But I'm not tired! Tell me a story, pleeease!
Slappy: Ah, for the love of Al Gore...  All right -- one story, then
        dreamland, OK?
Skippy: Promise!
Slappy: OK, let's see... Oh! You wanna hear about the time I stuffed live
        piranha down the pants of Sonny Tufts?
Skippy: No! A Christmas story!
Slappy: Sonny was drinking egg nog at the time...!
Skippy: No, Aunt Slappy. Just read.
Slappy: All right already, Mister Story Editor. Sheesh! [hawks]
Skippy: Speeew!
Slappy: Ahem. "The Day Before Christmas":
Slappy: 'Twas the day before Christmas, in winter's deep freeze
        But in Burbank, L.A., it was ninety degrees.
        Now, tonight is the night Santa comes to the lot
        Bringing presents for Yakko, Wakko, and Dot.
        The kids were excited; they rushed to prepare
        But others looked on with a growing despair.

Plotz : These gifts for the Warners, someone's got to see to it
        They must be delivered; I want you to do it.
DrSns : But I did it last year, or have you forgot
        Those kids drove me bonkies, and kissed me a lot.
        They made me stay up singing carols all night
        And then I got creamed in that big pillow fight.
Nurse : But why bring them presents, when Santa will do?
Plotz : It's a clause in their contract: if we don't, they can sue.
        There must be a person who'll deliver this stuff
        But where can I find someone stupid enough?
Ralph : Duh, good night, Mr. Costner; go ahead, pass on by
        Merry Christmas.
Mindy :                   Okay, I love ya, bye-bye!
Ralph : Good night, Mr. Hippo.
Flavio:                         Good night to you, too
Marita: Come along, Flavio; we've more shopping to do!
Runt  : I'm hungry.
Rita  :              Be quiet!  We don't want to get caught
        There might be some trash cans with food on the lot.
Ralph : Duh, good night, Mr. Keaton; that's a lovely sedan
Plotz : Give him a Santa suit!  Ralph is our man!
Yakko : So, 'twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Dot   : Some creatures were stirring,
Wakko :                               including a mouse.
Brain : Tonight, my dear Pinky, our plan is unfurled
        We steal Santa's sleigh and take over the world!
Pinky : Brain, you're a genius.  You simply [whack!] astound me
Brain : Aaaaaaaahhhh!
Pinky :                Narf!  Brain's gonna pound me.
Dot   : The stockings were hung so our names clearly showed
Wakko : In the hopes that old Santa would leave a big load!
Yakko : Mwah!  Goodnight everybody!
Yakko : The children were nestled all fast in their beds
Wakko : While visions of sugarplums danced in our heads.

Wakko : [munch] Deee-licious!
Yakko : We were all feeling tired when we turned out the light [click...]
        [...click] Forget it; there's no way I'm sleeping tonight.
Dot   : When out on the lot there arose such a rumble
Yakko : We sprang from our beds
Wakko :                          and we all took a tumble.
Yakko : And what to our wondering eyes did we view...?
Dot   : But a cat and a dog in the garbage -- peyoo!
Yakko : Then, to our surprise, we heard distant banters
        Of a miniature sleigh and eight pigeons with antlers.
Pesto : I'm dying here, ooh!
Squit :                       This sure ain't no fun
Bobby : The guy in the suit, he must weigh a ton!
Dot   : With a little old driver so lively and quick
Wakko : We knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!
Ralph : Duh, now Bobby, now Squit, now Pesto, now Vixen!
        On Comet!  On Cupid!  On Richard and Nixon!
        To the top of the tower, come on now, let's fly!
Pesto : I just got a hernia thanks to this guy!
Yakko : So up to the rooftop, Santa was hurled!
Brain : As soon as it lands, we'll take over the world!  [wham, stomp]
        Pinky, I am in considerable pain
Pinky : Narf!  Zort!  Poit!  Gat!  I'm with you, Brain.
Yakko : It was a time of excitement; the moment drew near
Dot   : There was no doubt about it;
Wakko :                              Santa was here!
Squit : Your antlers look cute, Pesto.
Pesto :                                 All right, that's it!  [fights]
Bobby : Ho, Pesto, it's Christmas; quit whackin' on Squit!
Yakko : And while the pigeons with antlers were having their kicks
        Santa fell through the roof like a sack full of bricks.
Dot   : He was dressed all in fur, with a glaze in his eyes
        'Cause the fall knocked him silly.
Ralph :                                     Uh, Happy Easter, you guys!
Wakko : His face, how it twinkled!  His dimples, how merry!
Dot   : His cheeks were like roses.
Yakko :                              His gut, that was scary.
Wakko : He spoke not a word, but instead went right to it
        He emptied his bag.
Ralph :                      Uh, that ought to do it!
Yakko : Then laying a finger inside of his nose

Yakko : Which the dear network censor finds totally gross.

Wakko : Lumbering, up the tree trunk he rose!
Dot   : He sprang to his sleigh, and signalled the flock
Ralph : Duh, giddyup birdies!
Yakko :                        Then they dropped like a rock.
Wakko : And we heard him exclaim, from up high in the sky
Santa : Season's greetings to all!
Yakko :                             And we saw him fly by.
Runt  : Thanks Santa!
Rita  :                We mean it!
Runt  :                             Yeah, thanks a whole lot!
Santa : And Merry Christmas to Yakko, Wakko, and Dot!
Skippy: And Merry Christmas, Aunt Slappy, and to you girls and boys
        As for me...[yawn]...I'm going downstairs to open my toys!!!
Transcribed by Kevin J. Podsiadlik

Lyrics from JINGLE BOO (Episode 50)
by Deanna Oliver

Sung to Jingle Bells
(Simplified version of The One-Horse Open Sleigh by James Pierpont)

Santa: Ho ho ho, Chicken Boo!
       Just this once, because it's Christmas
       We're giving you a happy ending.
Elves: Dashing through the snow
       With a chicken in a sleigh
       O'er the fields we go
       Clucking all the way! Cluck cluck cluck!
       Bells on chicken feet ring
       Making spirits bright
       What fun it is to ride and sing
       A chicken song tonight!
       Jingle Boo
       Jingle Boo
       Jingle Boo away!
       Oh what fun
       It is to ride
       With a chicken in a sleigh!
Boo  : Puh-kok!
Transcribed by Ron O'Dell


Slappy: 'Morning, Skippy!
Skippy: Hi, Aunt Slappy! What's for breakfast?
Slappy: A brand-new cereal from Smellog's -- Branimaniacs!
Skippy: Wow! We're on the box!
Slappy: That's right, kiddo!
Skippy: Do we get paid for that?
Slappy: You don't.  But just look at what's inside!  Branimaniacs is chock
        filled with tasty bran, crunchy fiber, natural roughage, and tiny
        sugar cubes shaped like my head.  It's an important part of this
        balanced breakfast.  So dig in, Skippy!
Skippy: You bet! (crunch)
Slappy: And remember to start your day with Branimaniacs for that get-up-
        and-go feeling! (crunch)
(blork) (bublork)
Skippy: I gotta get up and go.
Slappy: I'll race ya.
(Cut to YW+D in front of a Branimaniacs box)
YW+D  : It's Branimaniacs
        Nutritionally, it lacks
        But this cereal attacks
        All of your digestive tracts
        It's Branimanie
Slappy: My stomach's in pain-y
YW+D  : Branimaniacs!
Transcribed by P.J. Remner

Lyrics and banter from THE WARNERS AND THE BEANSTALK (Episode 51)
by Deanna Oliver

Harp: Free me
      Free me
      Won't you rescue me?
      The giant sleeps
      Before he wakes
      Come in and rescue me!

Giant: Pee pie pooka plot
       I smell Yakko, Wakko and Dot!
Yakko: Don't you mean "Fee fie fo fum"?
Giant: Yeah, but it don't rhymes with `Dot'.
Dot  : You know, you really should pluck those unsightly nose hairs. [pluck!]
Giant: Ow!  Ah, that smarted me!
Yakko: I doubt it.
Giant: Now I's gonna eat you teeny-weenies.
Yakko: Eat us?
Dot  : You don't want to eat us.
Wakko: We taste awful.
YW+D : Bleah!
Yakko: Hmm. [conference] We know what you want!
Giant: You does?
YW+D : Uh huh!

[the meal is prepared]

Yakko: I'm sure you'll love this
       Have a seat
       Here's your meal
       Gold eggs and meat!
Giant: I does not like gold eggs and meat
       It's you who I would like to eat.

Yakko: Would you like them a la mode?
Wakko: Would you like them with a toad?
Giant: I would not like them a la mode
       I would not like them with a toad.
       I does not like gold eggs and meat
       It's you who I would like to eat.

Wakko: Would you eat them with a cod?
Yakko: Holding up a metal rod?
Giant: I woulds not eat them with a cod
       Holding up a metal rod! [zap!]
       I does not like gold eggs and meat
       It's you who I would like to eat.

Dot  : How 'bout with a dash of salt
Yakko: On the San Andreas Fault? [rumble!]
Giant: No, not with a dash of salt
       On the San Andreas Fault. [rumble!]
       I does not like gold eggs and meat
       It's you who I would like to eat.

Wakko: Would you, could you, in Japan
Yakko: With Godzilla and Rodan?
Giant: I would not, could not, in Japan
       With Godzilla and Rodan. [foom! whack! ... thud!]
       I will not eat gold eggs and meat
YW+D : ...us that you would like to eat.

Yakko: Eat them, eat them, on a cloud.
Giant: Oh, all right, for cryin' out loud! [munch!]
       Mmm! Gold eggs and meat I do not hate!
Yakko: But now those clouds won't hold your weight.
Giant: Gee, I never thought about that. [...thud!]
       Fee fie fo fum
       I fall down and hurt my bum.
Transcribed by Ron O'Dell

Lyrics from FRONTIER SLAPPY (Episode 51)
by John P. McCann

Daniel Boone was a great big guy
Yes, a really big guy
He knocks down trees
And frightens off bees
So they'll cry.

Daniel Boone saw a great big tree
An attractive tree
But he didn't know
It was home to a squirrel
Named Slappy.


Daniel Boone had a great big plan
Yes a very large plan
He'd fix that squirrel
By yankin' her tree house
From the land.


Daniel Boone had another big plan
Yes, a crafty plan...
(DB): Shhh!


Daniel Boone was very very sore
Yes, painfully sore
He picked up a log
And charged
Slappy Squirrel's front door.


Daniel Boone was a big dang bird
Yes, a really big bird
But he didn't know
That his disguise
Was pretty absurd.


Daniel Boone was a great big guy
Yes, a big sick guy
He lost his lunch
All over
The trees and sky.


Daniel Boone was a great big jerk
Yes, a stupid jerk
He had another dumb plan
That more than likely
Wouldn't work.


Slappy Squirrel was a grand old dame
Yes, a very old dame
She whipped Daniel Boone
Now she pays us
To sing of her fame.
Transcribed by Michael J. Farren

Musical score by Steve Bernstein.
Words by Tom Minton.

Voice: And now, the story of the Brave Little Trailer.
       There was a little trailer who lived in a court
       That got trashed by tornadoes whose tempers were short.
       The losers got fed to the monster next door --
       A steam shovel who loved to eat trailers galore.
       But the Brave Little Trailer ducked out of the way
       And lived to fight twisters on some other day.
       And so this is what the Brave Little Trailer would say:
BLT  : Those cyclones may think that I'm weaker and frailer,
       But they'll never smoosh me; I'm a smart little trailer.
Voice: For no matter how big or how long or how scary,
       No twister could touch him.
BLT  :                             I'm simply too wary.

Voice: So the years came and went, and, with them, much thunder.
       But, where tornadoes failed, time had stepped in to plunder.
       The Brave Little Trailer was older, and dusty.
BLT  : My wheels are worn out and my axle is rusty.
Voice: The new trailers had high-tech features and polish,
BLT  : Which you know the next twister is gonna demolish.

Voice: His neighbors, all newer, more modern and sleeker,
N1   :       This guy's making our neighborhood weaker.
N2   : Why, he's driving down values and looks totally spent.
N3   : The scrap heap is where he ought to be sent.

Voice: So, for the Brave Little Trailer, that was a wrap.
       He was sent to the junkyard, and there sold for scrap.
       The steam shovel licked its steel chops with glee
       At the sight of its dinner.
BLT  :                             The main course is me.

Voice: When, all of a sudden, ripping down from the sky,
       Came the mother of cyclones,
BLT  :                              stopping by to say hi.
Voice: The high-tech trailers shut their windows all tight
       And stood there unmoving -- an arrogant sight.
N1   : With our new weather radar, there is no delay
       Ascertaining that doom is now heading this way.

Voice: Indeed, this was our hero's big moment of truth.
BLT  : Too bad that I'm here and not in Duluth.
Voice: But now the Brave Little Trailer had his craftiest plot.
BLT  : Frankly, I was thinking of just crying a lot.
Voice: But instead, he slapped the shovel square in the face,
       Which sent the two rivals into a chase.
       Our hero moved swiftly, avoiding the clench
BLT  : Of the shovel, who angrily dug a deep trench.
Voice: Soon, the steam shovel's trench became a big crater.
BLT  : Pay attention to this; there's a quiz on it later.

Voice: And now our small old hero led the chase under ground,
       Where all you could hear was a fierce crunching sound.
       Then, suddenly, up into view from below,
       Popped our own Little Trailer.
BLT  :                                That shovel's a schmoe.
Voice: He lept in the air to taunt the big bruiser,
       And the thug took the bait, to wind up the loser
       In a squareoff that pulled him into the funnel,
BLT  : And there's no light at the end of that tunnel!
Voice: The steam shovel flew, then fell all apart,
       And everyone knew:
BLT  :                    Now that's gonna smart.

Voice: Now half of the twister's foul work was all done,
       But what's this? That little guy spoiled all his fun.
Cyclo: Hold it, pipsqueak!
Voice:                     the cyclone did bellow,
       And things sure looked bleak for our poor little fellow.
       But the trailer worked quickly, and, without delay,
       He pushed all his neighbors right out of harm's way.
       Then our hero called up, from his simple dirt dome:
BLT  : Ah, go chase your tail! There's no place like home.

Voice: The big twister bounded, as all cyclones do,
BLT  : But under ground's the one place those guys can't get to.
Voice: The new, high-tech trailers were now safe from the wrath
       Of the twister, who dropped all it had in its path
       'Til it played out its rage, and wore down to a level
       Where our hero stomped out the annoying dust devil.
BLT  : You can call me a wise guy, a cranky old grump,
       But when it comes to tornadoes -- heh! -- I'm nobody's chump.

Voice: And that's a story all little trailers should know.
LTs  : Goodnight, Gramps!
Voice:                    Goodnight, kids. Now I gotta go
       Up to the roof. It's a quarter to nine --
       Time for an old pal to turn on my sign.
       We two are old friends now. We share in the work.
       But I don't pay him much, 'cause he's still a big jerk.
Transcribed by Ron O'Dell

I'M CUTE (Episode 53)
Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel.

Dot  : I'm cute, yes it's true
       I really can't help it
       But what can I do?
       When you're cute, it just shows
       With these two darling eyes and this cute little nose
       And a pretty pink dress that's adorable, yes
       And when they see my dimples then everyone says:
Crowd: Oh shoot!
       Isn't she cute!
Y+W  : Cute, cute
       Oh, isn't she cute, cute, cute
Dot  : I'm the one they adore
       I'm sweet and I'm cuddly
       And small just like Dudley but more
       It's a chore
       To be constantly cute
       And enchanting to boot
       When my lip's sticking out
       In that cute little pout
       Then there just is no doubt
       Why the guys like to shout:
Y+W  : She's a beaut!
Dot  : Let's face it, I'm cute!
Y+W  : Cute, cute
       Oh, baby, she's cute, cute, cute
Dot  : Being cute's a thing you can't hide
       If you look up the word in a book
       There's my picture inside!
       "TV Guide"
       Has me on the cover
Y+W  : Don'cha just love 'er?
Dot  : I'm simply a goddess
Y+W  : And isn't she modest?
Dot  : I'm the answer to one of the questions in Trivial Pursuit
       For "Who's the most cute?"
Y+W  : Cute, cute
       Oh, isn't she cute, cute, cute

Dot  : I'm cute and I'm sweet
       And I'm innocent, neat
       And so trusting
Y+W  : If you want our opinion this song is becoming disgusting
Dot  : I'm cute
Y+W  : So what!
Dot  : I never am vain
Yakko: She's becoming a pain in the...
Dot  : But I'm also real nice
       I'm a doll through and through
Y+W  : So big whoop-de-do
Dot  : I'm sweet and adoring
Y+W  : And also real boring
       And that's why we're snoring at you.
Dot  : That's it!  You've ruined my entire cute song!
       I am angry!  I am furious!  I am enraged!
       I have had it!
Yakko: You're awfully cute when you're angry.
Dot  : You really think so?
Y+W  : A babba dabba dabba doo wah!
       She's cute!

Lyrics from MEET MINERVA (Episode 54)
by Sherri Stoner

Minerva: It's not pretty being me
         Just try it and you'll see
         It's harder than you think
         To be a gorgeous mink
         La da da da, da da dee
         It's not pretty being me.
Transcribed by Ron O'Dell

Lyrics from GOLD RUSH (Episode 55)
Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel.

2 Cowboys: Ohhh, hear the crickets and the froggies
           Get along, ya little dogeys
Horses   : A-gip-I-yo-a-gip-I-yea!

Cowboy 3 : Iiii love a-ridin' on the ranges
2 Cowboys: Hear the crickets and the froggies
Cowboy 3 : Out here where nothin' ever changes
2 Cowboys: Get along, ya little dogeys
Horses   : A-gip-I-yo-a-gip-I-yea!

3 Cowboys: It's peaceful and pretty
           You can keep the city
           Just give me lots of land and fresh air.
           Don't want a lot of faces
           Just wide-open spaces
           Where nobody's rich, but who cares?

3 Cowboys: Ohhh, hear the crickets and the froggies
           Get along, ya little dogeys
FatCowboy: Look, I found a piece of gold
Other2CBs: Yup, he found a piece of gold
FatCowboy: Yup, I found a piece of...
3 Cowboys: GOLD!!!
Transcribed by "The Corinthian"

End of section

Next section -- AMLF menu