THE PRESIDENTS SONG (Episode 75)
Lyrics by Randy Rogel.
Sung to the William Tell Overture by Gioacchino Rossini.
Verses preceded by an asterisk (*) are original lyrics heard on the Variety Pack album, replaced on television by the previous listed verse.
Yakko: Heigh ho, do you know The names of the U.S. residents Who then became the presidents And got a view from the White House loo Of Pennsylvania Avenue? Wakko: George Washington was the first, you see He once chopped down a cherry tree Dot : President number two would be John Adams and then number three * Yakko: George Washington was the first, you see * He once chopped down a cherry tree * Dot : President number two would be * John Adams and then number three Yakko: Tom Jefferson stayed up to write The Declaration late at night So he and his wife had a great big fight And she made him sleep on the couch all night * Yakko: Tom Jefferson stayed up to write * The Constitution late at night * So he and his wife had a great big fight * And she made him sleep on the couch all night Wakko: James Madison never had a son And he fought the War of 1812 Dot : James Monroe's colossal nose Was bigger than Pinocchio's Yakko: John Quincy Adams was number six And it's Andrew Jackson's butt he kicks So Jackson learns to play politics Next time he's the one that the country picks Dot : Martin Van Buren, number eight For a one-term shot as Chief of State Yakko: William Harrison, how do you praise? That guy was dead in thirty days Wakko: John Tyler, he liked country folk Dot : And after him came President Polk Yakko: Zachary Taylor liked to smoke His breath killed friends whenever he spoke Wakko: Eighteen fifty, really nifty Millard Fillmore's in Yakko: Young and fierce was Franklin Pierce The man without a chin Dot : Follows next a period spannin' Four long years with James Buchanan Then the South starts shootin' cannon And we've got a civil war YW+D : A war, a war down south in Dixie Yakko: Up to bat comes old Abe Lincoln Dot : There's a guy who's really thinkin' Wakko: Kept the United States from shrinkin' Saved the ship of state from sinkin' Dot : Andrew Johnson's next He had some slight defects Wakko: Congress each Would impeach Dot : And so the country now elects Yakko: Ulysses Simpson Grant Who would scream and rave and rant Wakko: While drinking whiskey Although risky 'Cause he'd spill it on his pants Yakko: It's eighteen seventy-seven And the Democrats would gloat But they're all amazed when Rutherford Hayes Wins by just one vote Dot : James Garfield, someone really hated 'Cause he was assassinated Wakko: Chester Arthur gets instated Four years later, he was traded Dot : For Grover Cleveland, really fat Elected twice as a Democrat Then Benjamin Harrison; after that It's William McKinley up to bat Yakko: Teddy Roosevelt charged up San Juan Hill Wakko: And President Taft, he got the bill Yakko: In 1913 Woodrow YW+D : Wil... ...son takes us into World War One Yakko: Warren Harding next in line Dot : It's Calvin Coolidge; he does fine Wakko: And then in nineteen twenty-nine The market crashes, and we find * Yakko: Warren Harding, he does fine * Dot : It's Calvin Coolidge next in line * Wakko: And then in nineteen twenty-nine * The market crashes, and we find Yakko: It's Herbert Hoover's big debut He gets the blame and loses to Dot : Franklin Roosevelt, president who Helped us win in World War Two Wakko: Harry Truman, weird little human Serves two terms and when he's done Yakko: It's Eisenhower who's got the power From fifty-three to sixty-one Dot : John Kennedy had Camelot Then Lyndon Johnson took his spot Yakko: Richard Nixon, he gets caught And Gerald Ford fell down a lot * Dot : John F. Kennedy, he gets shot * So Lyndon Johnson takes his spot * Yakko: Richard Nixon, he gets caught * And Gerald Ford fell down a lot Wakko: Jimmy Carter liked campaign trips Yakko: And Ronald Reagan's speeches' scripts All came from famous movie clips And President Bush said "read my lips" Dot : Now in Washington D.C. Wakko: There's Democrats and the G.O.P. Yakko: But the ones in charge are plain to see Dot : The Clintons, Bill and Hillary * Dot : Now in Washington D.C. * Wakko: There's Democrats and the G.O.P. * Yakko: But the one in charge is plain to see * Dot : It's Clinton, first name Hillary Yakko: The next President to lead the way Well, it just might be yourself one day Then the press'll distort everything you say YW+D : So jump in your plane and fly awayTranscribed by Steve Kramer
MULTIPLICATION (Episode 77)
Music and lyrics by Randy Rogel.
MissF: Yakko... Yakko: Yes, Miss Flamiel? MissF: I want you to multiply 47 times 83. Yakko: Sounds like a song cue to me! MissF: No it doesn't. Yakko: Oh yes it does. HIT IT, (Maury?)! Yakko: Seven times three is twenty-one Which as you know is just two tens plus one And so we put the one right here And we carry the two one left To the top of the ten's place right next door And we put it on top of the number four Which is really four tens that we multiply Times three in the one's place, and that's why We now have twelve, which we add to the two That we carried to get fourteen. See how easy that was? Oh ho, it's multiplication It's math education Hey, Albert Einstein said that it's so easy to do It's simple, it's breezy It's fun and it's easy Just buy a calculator; you can multiply too. And now, the second digit... Seven times eight is fifty-six Which as you know is just five tens plus six And so we put the six right here In the ten's place, left of the one Carry the five, like we did before To the top of the ten's place, next to the four Then multiply that four times eight To get thirty-two, see isn't this great? Then we add the five that we carried before To get thirty-seven, then add once more Straight down to get three thousand, nine hundred and one. Isn't this swell? Oh, let's give multiplication A standing ovation Isaac Newton multiplied a couple times, too Times two, times two, times two It's simple, it's breezy It's fun and it's easy So buy a calculator And study this stuff later Maybe someday you can multiply numbers too Three, four, five Recess!Transcribed by Steve Kramer
Lyrics from THE SOUND OF WARNERS (Episode 78)
by Paul Rugg
Burbank (parody of The Sound of Music)
Nanny: There's no place on earth That is quite like Burbank Fall under its spell And you can't resist The sights and the sounds And the smells of Burbank There's so much to see That it's hard to list. Just look over there at that lizard On the hot asphalt As it tries to cool its feet And see all the buildings That are beige and brown It's the same on every street The friendly people Always wave and smile As they drive from here to there And up in the sky Smog hangs like a chocolate eclair! Oh! Burbank, I'm here In your wondrous bosom I'm pinching myself Have my dreams come true? Oh, B-U-R-B-A-N-K Spells 'Burbank' Burbank, I love you! ---What Do You Do With Children Like Us Warners?
Nanny: Oh, come now. The children can't possibly be as beastly as all that. DrSns: They're not; they're worse. DrSns: They put termites in my pants Filled my coffee cup with ants Then they shoved some macaroni up my nose Ralph: Up his nose! Nurse: Always giving me a kiss Ralph: They sneak up on me like this DrSns: Ate my toupee Nurse: And my lipstick Ralph: And my clothes! Nurse: They pop out of cookie jars Ralph: Slide a drawer and there they ares DrSns: I once found them whirling round inside my ear Ralph: Inside his ear! SR+N : There is nowhere they can't hide Ralph: Eats a doughnut; they's inside SR+N : They're too crazy They're too zany They're... YW+D : ...right here! YW+D : Oh, what do you do with children like us Warners? What do you do to get us to obey? Dot : We're really not so bad Wakko: If not just lightly mad Yakko: We can't help it if we like to play! YW+D : Oh, what do you do with children like us Warners? Wakko: What do you do with eggs at a buffet? (Y+D stare) Wakko: It rhymed... ---Poison Oak (parody of Edelweiss)
Nanny: That bush you went in must have been poison oak. DrSns: Agh! Poison oak?! Nanny: Oh, do let's sing about it! DrSns: About my poison oak?? Nanny: Yes! Let's! DrSns: (to YW+D) I think she's crazy. YW+D : Duh! Nanny: Poison oak Poison oak Makes you itch if you catch it (Yakko: Is there a point to this cartoon?) (Dot : I dunno, but we're still getting paid.) (YW+D : Ka-ching!) Nanny: Skin turns red Blisters spread Spread the more that you scratch it Chafing and stinging The itch gets worse Itch gets worse It's burning Sing! N+Sns: Poison oak Poison oak For days to come you'll be hurting. ---When I Am Afraid (parody of My Favorite Things)
Nanny: You know, whenever I'm scared like you, I ponder all the things that make me feel warm and squeezy inside. Wakko: You're not gonna sing again, are you? Nanny: Uh huh! Nanny: Ahhh... YW+D : Ugh... Nanny: Fun Bob Hope specials and Spam on the griddle Small bouncing babies with long strands of spittle Mary Hart-Tesh; Shriners in a parade That's what I ponder when I am afraid. Paintings of children with really huge eyeballs Big chubby cats as they cough up their hairballs Paul Harvey's head; Crushing bugs with a spade That's what I ponder when I am afraid. Fuzzy slippers Leonard Maltin And those Olsen twins Just ponder these thoughts When fear has you ensnared Your frowns will turn into grins! ---Grumpy Chicken (parody of Lonely Goatherd)
Nanny: Deep in the valley A grumpy chicken Buckabuckabuckabucka Buck buck buck! ---Eat All Your Oatmeal (parody of Climb Every Mountain)
Nanny: Breakfast time! Yummy oatmeal for Dit, Wikki and Petey Pie! YW+D : Yuck! Yakko: To be honest, we don't do oatmeal. Nanny: "Don't do oatmeal"? But it's the most wonderful, most delicious, and, oh my, most wholesome breakfast food in the whole wide world! Why, you simply must... Nanny: Eat all your oatmeal Chew every bite (Yakko: Now!) (YW+D rush off) Nanny: Lumpy, clumpy oatmeal Makes you feel just right. (YW+D burst in with bass drums) YW+D : We had a little doggy We used to call him Fred But now we call him nothing The reason is: he's dead! Hey! (Yakko: That ought to make her mad.) Nanny: When I think of oatmeal It makes my heart throb (Dot : [to Yakko] You were saying...?) Nanny: Every small gooey drop Every big steamy glob (YW+D rush in with guitars and western clothes) YW+D : Who put a rat in Marvin's bed? Who put a spike through Norman's head? Who oh who is doin' all these thangs? Yee haw! Nanny: Eat all your oatmeal Just shove it in (YW+D fire a cannon) Nanny: Lumpy, clumpy oatmeal (Wakko uses a pneumatic drill; Yakko plays a trumpet; Dot plays cymbals) Nanny: Makes your colon grin! (YW+D crash in on their train 49 as the song ends) Nanny: That was wonderful! You children certainly know how to brighten up a song! Dot : Aren't you mad at us for ruining your singing? Wakko: I'd say we deserve a spanking, right on our fanny! YW+D : Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh! Nanny: I'd say you deserve a picnic! I'll go get the basket!
Lyrics from THE GIRL WITH THE GOOGILY GOOP (Episode H2)
by Gordon Bressack and Charles Howell IV
YW+D : The censors all protest 'Cause she's practically undressed The cartoon vamp Dot : She's a tramp Y+W : Helloooo, Googi! --- Extras: The city is a happy place Mailbx: 'Cause everything has a face Car : You can always find a parking space Extras: But beware the big bad wolf! --- Yakko : The way she kisses is uncanny She ain't nothin' like your granny She's the girl the censors want to ban-y Googi : Call me Googi -- Googily Goop! Wakko : Watch her do her flapper dancin' Her look is totally entrancin' Censor: In cartoons there's no romancin' Googi : Just call me Googi -- Googily Goop! Ooh! Yakko : Heidi Heidi Heidi Fleiss! Extras: Heidi Heidi Heidi Fleiss! Dot : Hedy Hedy Lamarr. Extras: Hedy Hedy Lamarr. Wakko : Yehudi Menuhin! Extras: Yehudi Menuhin! Moon : Yo-Yo Ma. Extras: Yo-Yo Ma. --- Dot : Never seen a dress so purty Wolf : Cartoon girls are much too flirty Yakko : What do you want -- it's 1930 Googi : Call me Googi... G,D+Gm: ...Googily Goop!
GUNGA DOT (Episode H2)
Musical score by Julie Bernstein.
Words by Randy Rogel.
Voice : From Karachi to Botswana They all tell the story, bwana Of the desert where the ground is burning hot. Of the wind that cracks the stones Where the sun'll bleach your bones And the legend there that's known as Gunga Dot. It was back in '22 We were west of Katmandu On the Afghan border headed towards Bombay. We were traveling out of (??) On an elephant safari When I heard the cry... Marita: ...We're out of Perrier! Oh, Flavio, is it true? Flavio: We're out of Crystal Geyser too And all that sparkling water Evian we brought. Marita: It isn't right; it isn't nice Flavio: We are also out of ice F+M : Come and help us, please, O Gunga Dot! BP+S : Yo, Dot, Dot, Dot Pesto : We're dying here; it's hot Bobby : Bring some water... Squit : ...and some big electric fans. Plotz : Boy, the service here just stinks Y+W : Hurry up there with our drinks Dot : Hey, relax, you jerks; I've only got two hands! Slappy: It's a hundred in the shade And I'm out of lemonade Ralph : I'd like more ice cream so just bring me all you got. Nurse : You know, I think it's getting hotter DrSns : Why don't you bring us all more water? PlYWRaSlSns+N: And do it on the double, Gunga Dot! Voice : Two mice about to lunge With a huge gigantic sponge At the river where the violent waters swirled. Brain : All right, Pinky; now we've got 'er We'll capture all the water Then you and I can take over the world! Voice : He pulled the lever on that sponge And they watched it take the plunge As it filled with water, both of them just smirked. And they lifted it with care High up into the air Pinky : Congratulations, Brain; you see it worked! [sponge rattles] (Pinky : Hmm, what's that sound?) [sponge falls; water spills] (P+B : Whoa!!!) Voice : Meanwhile, for Gunga Dot The crowd was getting hot She ran this way; she ran that way on the fly. Ralph : This Kool-Aid isn't cool Skippy: We need some water in the pool Dot : Hold your horses... Mindy : ...OK, I love you; now bye bye! [Mindy accidentally knocks Buttons into the empty pool] Runt : Rita, look! It's an oasis! Rita : Just be quiet or they'll chase us Runt : I'm hot here, Rita -- definitely, definitely hot. Newt : I'd like a cold refreshing drink For myself and for the mink Dot : Well, you'll have to stand in line for Gunga Dot. Voice : They called for water everywhere Nurse : Yes, I'd like to wash my hair Plotz : I want to shave... Yakko : ...We want a wave... YWN+Pl: ...So get us wet! Voice : And though she'd worked this job for months With people talking all at once Gunga Dot was just about to get upset. Dot : So you want to be real wet That's exactly what you'll get I'll tell you what; here comes a big surprise. You want your pool; you want your shower I live inside a water tower So why don't you try this gusher on for size? [gush!] [P+B crawl out of the river] (Pinky : You know, Brain, it's funny, but I'm feeling thirsty.) [splash!] (P+B : Waaagh!) (Y+W : Cowabunga!) (Skippy: All right!) [Mindy giggles while Buttons swims] Voice : Yes, she pulled that little lever Seemed like water came forever And there's not a spot they say it didn't reach. And after all of that commotion She had formed the Indian Ocean Where everyone now lounges on the beach. Voice : So when beneath a desert sky If your canteen's running dry And you need someone who's Johnny-on-the-spot, You can be her clientele Dot : But you'd better tip me well All-D : You're a better one than we are, Gunga Dot!
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